The Hilltop Glove | Kwasi Brown

Hey everyone. Welcome back to another episode of the Hilltop Glove Podcast. Today we have the pleasure of speaking with Mr. Quasi Brown, also known as Black Nerd Mafia. Quasi was born in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, and has three brothers in the sister. He attended South Carolina State University as well as joined the Air Force at a young age.

In 2021, he became the owner of Black Nerd Mafia. After his son asked him, why don't you own your own business? Black Nerd Mafia was formed outta frustration. Frustration with stereotypes and people's ignorance about black people. He des. He desires to showcase the diversity in the black community and provide a place for those who don't fit in society's boxes.

It is a safe and inviting place. Oops. It is a safe inning by in. It is a safe in biting space for independent black artists and fans. It originally started in 2014 as a Facebook group for black people tired of being typecast. Since the Black Ner Mafia has hosted an array shows since then, the Black No Mafia has hosted array shows, poetry, readings, and trivia Knights in Columbia, South Carolina.

His logo is an animation character wearing a black hoodie holding a super silver water gun. A lot of peop, a lot of people associate black people with violence and guns, but little do they know. This amazing toy gun was created by an African American scientist named Lonnie Johnson. The character HA also has a mirrored face, which translates to the reflective mass, to a reflective mass.

So if you're looking at the character, all is yourself. This means that Black Neuro Mafia is in all of us. How are you doing today? 

I'm good. How are you guys doing? Doing good. Excellent. Excellent. Doing well, 

doing good. Thank you for being here with us. Oh, thank you guys for having me. We appreciate that.

To start off our podcast, we  of like to get our viewers and listeners a chance to get to know you and your background story. So can you tell us about some memor experiences as a child and what influenced you growing up? 

I don't know if anything necessarily, like growing up inspired this.

Like I'm, I feel like I've always been a creative that, I don't know. It's the only way to explain if you're a creative yourself, I think that it's in you, you just know. True. And I've always wanted to do music. I've always wanted to write. I've always wanted to, like I was always a kid.

I was a class clown. I always, I wanted, I always wanted to do standup. I've always wanted to do all these different things. And I don't think I've ever just, I don't think I knew how to do it, you know what I'm saying? Or even more so I was too insecure and too afraid to do it when I was younger, gotcha. And that's probably more so the real reason. I'm just being insecure, not, believing in myself enough. But I guess like I said, there's no one event, but just growing up, I. Been a fan, like hip hop since day one. Like I was born in 1979, like literally the year to hit sugar, literally game comes out or whatever.

So in Philly, like we would be break dancing in front of our house. I literally came up and like break dancing for money on cardboard in front of our house. Like real shit. Like cut curse something. Yeah. Free.  free, You're free. But they    know, I grew up watching Eddie Murphy Raw and Martin, anything that was creative or.

Whatever I've always wanted. Do I always kinda like a Renaissance person. I wanna do comedy, I wanna write, I want to rap, I wanna do, I wanna, I've always wanted do all these things like now, 43 years old, like I'm doing them, you know what I'm saying? So it's better late than never, so I, as a roundabout way of answering your question, yeah. So you enjoy 

All aspects of the arts? 

I do, man. I write poetry. I write I'm writing like TV scripts and movie scripts. I'm trying to learn like the wow behind the screen, like techniques for the technical aspects.

I'm, which way? Even with like my podcast or whatever, it's I'm like I did a podcast like maybe six years ago or whatever, and I'm just a person, like the creatives. I want to, I just wanna do the thing. I don't wanna do the other stuff. I don't wanna, I don't want, I don't wanna know how to set it up.

The, I don't care about don't care. Set the mic up. Come in there and do my thing. That's what I want to do. So it's I think that's been another a kind of a hindrance to me cuz if you don't really know anybody else connected in That knows those other things I just wanna show up in the studio.

That's me, I'm saying? So not having the other person to do the other little things set up, know how to set up the podcast, know how to make a beat or record in the studio. How I don't know how to do those things, but it's I guess I, but now it's I figured like now, like why red duplicate the effort now and finding the people that know how to do those things.

So if I do a podcast, I don't have to learn how to set up the mics and do all this other shit because I can just find somebody that can do it for me, that I can focus on the talent aspect of it. We can help you. 

Y'all you're a natural performer then. Yeah.

He's a real creative. Yeah. He's a real creative. That's what you do. You go out there and you perform, you get busy. Yep. I can understand that. Man, that's interesting to hear somebody say that because, the, I always like to call it the boring, mundane things that go on in the background, to create that foundation. I like that stuff. We like that. That's the fun stuff, right? That's 

all. Oh, that's fun. And that is some people I need like you ever just hear a story about I don't know, like somebody like, dre and it's like Snoop oh, I was, Dr. Dre just lived down the street from me and he just knew how to do all this.

Always wish I had that person, like person lived down the street, the homeboy that knew how to do all this other shit that I like, yo, I just need somebody ohs, Kev, somebody that love to do this shit in the background. Because it's, as this is like low key, the most important part.

Cause you could have all talent in the world. You could have all or whatever in the world. But if you don't know how to record yourself, you don't know how to, like I, it's a bunch of artists out there. That are dope, but got trash as trash music. Cause they don't know how to record it.

They don't, they can't bingo afford to get the proper stuff or whatever. Or trash ass podcasts for that matter. You know what I'm saying? Because bingo, background work. Like all I want, I just wanna talk. I know what I wanna talk about and that's all I need. Yeah. You know what I'm saying?

That's not what you need, that's, it's a process, a work, a workflow.   Strategy. Have behind the scenes like. To, if you want your product to look good, you need somebody like that. Like I said, like the people. I don't do my own stickers. I don't, because I don't know how to do stickers.

I don't do my, I don't make my own merch. I don't, cause I know how to make my own merch. Yeah. But why would I spend all these hours learning how to do something that I don't even really care about, when I could just get somebody else to do it. That's what, like getting ahead of ourselves here.

This black bear community thing is. Now I'm just finding people that do things. I'm finding photographers and videographers dope and merch people and podcast people and whoever, and it's I don't gotta do none of this shit. I can just find the people to do it and it makes my job easier.

It's like people just want all the fucking credit for everything. So they do everything for themselves. They wanna say, I did this podcast by myself. You know what I'm saying? No, you didn't do it myself. He did it and you did it, and you did it, and you did it. Even if, the people who like like when we do black and Maia shit like a.

My homegirl Tana vibe, like she does all the flyers. She does a lot of stuff behind the scenes that like my boy Darius, my videographer he, like the video we did today, did the day of last night's event. He comes and shoots our Darius comes and shoots our event and does like a, basically like a recap of every event that we do.

So when people see it the next day, It was this amazing product. It's like it's like a recap of the night. It's edited perfectly. It's beautifully shot or whatever. I can't do that. You know what I'm saying? Your honesty. Yeah, like the honesty. Yeah. And we didn't really start picking up until I started using his videos.

Like people would come to the show. Yeah. And then that would just be it. There would be nothing to talk about the next day because no life afterwards. You're right. But I started doing these recap videos and. Paid him to do it. Yeah. And he did an amazing job. And then I started getting more followers and people said, oh, this is what y'all doing from the videos.

It wasn't like, everybody looking for, yeah, everybody's not gonna come to a show. But if people like, oh shit, this looks dope. I'm gonna come next time. And that's what I did. I invested in a videographer that brought back like business. Business to my business, like tenfold or hundredfold or whatever I'm saying, yeah, that's what they spend.

I invested in that thing, but I could have just set up a camera and just had aesthetically record everything and then, and go back at the end. Put the end. It's, it's not the same though. You get in what you put out. You know what I'm saying? Like I said, it is like five to 10% of this shit.

Ambition is the rest, you know what I'm saying? Or being smart enough to put people in position to help you succeed. That is the thing, knowing how put people in the right positions Yeah. To help you. Even if it's a selfish reason. Hey, I wanna be the best podcast person in the world, but I don't know how to do this shit.

Nick Kev knows how to do it. So he was like, alright, it's a mutually beneficial relationship. You know what I'm saying? Yes. So it's Don't try to be a hero. Don't try to do everything yourself unless you know how to do it. Now, if you know how to do the shit, that's fine. Cause some people are totally different words.

Yeah. Burn your cell phone. Some people are Saba. Yeah, exactly. That's burn your so phone. Yeah. Yeah. And that's the biggest thing I'm seeing with a lot of these artists. They're super talented. Yeah. They got amazing songs. Lemme say this right way. I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to say that they're dumb, but that's all they know is the singing or rapping part.

They don't know. They don't know anything else about 'em. Yo, if you knew how to market yourself, if you knew how to make merchs for yourself, if you knew how to do these other things. Sing or rap or whatever the fuck you would be so much more successful. And it's    I'm try like, look, I ain't fucking Barry Gordy.

I don't know what I'm doing, but I like, I have the visions to where about Barry Gordy. Play the fucking record you can make. I was like, I went, might as well say, I'm not fucking bombs maybely. You know what I'm But yeah. Save yourself the time, the headache or whatever.

You don't need to be the hero man. And honestly, doing it the way I've done it, people still just think I do everything. You know what I'm saying? If your goal to be like selfish people don't understand shit. Everything. Like I, but, so it's. If you're, if it's your company, you're still gonna reap the rewards.

And the benefits at the end of the day, no matter who does the work behind the scenes, whatever. Yeah. Now I always make sure I give everybody credit for what they do. I'm saying that's not only fair. If I wanted to, I could be an asshole and be like, yeah, I did all this shit, whatever, just, but I, sorry, but I paid the people, behind the scenes with him. That's what a lot of people do. It's like some Elon Mu shit. Elon Musk can't make a Tesla. Say it again. He came in when the shit was already ready and bought the shit and was like, yes. Now everybody thinks that Elon Musk is so fucking genius. Everybody tell him how to do genius.

He's a boss. He came, he's a manager. Supervisor. Supervisor, yeah. So we were like, Don't do around, don't warm up any fish in the fucking, in the break room. He's he make shit. We can ena with, like the, it's the name it's the name. The idea like, oh, this guy is a genius, this guy.

I know even if it wast become this big thing and Black de Mafia became this big thing, ain't no fucking genius. Yeah. I'm smart enough to know how to put people in position, put the right people in positions to, and sometimes that's success better than being a genius, being humble enough to say I can't do this on my.

Let me. Put the Avengers together and that's basically what I did. Yeah. I like what 

you're saying. Because a lot of millennials and a lot of young folks, they don't realize that you do not have to be a specialist in everything. Yeah. Sometimes you have to learn how to sit in the back and let people who know how to do it.

Do it right. No, it's, it is fun to do that. It is, it's fun to 

learn, but then recognize once you, yes. Once you've made your first video, be like, okay, now I can pay somebody. 

Somebody else do. Then you also learn too from other creatives. Cause come on. I'm a creative and I didn't know, I just knew the creative part, but Kev taught us the backhand end.

So you're learning as you go. So you gain skills too, each other too. Yeah. And really 

To play on that next level. That's what you gotta do. Because you know the big dogs are 

doing marketing. Yeah. Big dogs don't do all the work like, they don't do all the work working on this shit that you're competing with.

Yes, 

exactly. You can't, when you think about I always used to think, like when I was a kid alright, you are the talent. Like why you need a manager? Why are you paying all other people to do stuff? Why are you paying a manager and a attorney and an accountant like just keep their money?

Because you don't have all that time to do all that shit yourself, right? You can't honest if you really doing your thing and you really getting busy, you ain't got time to be going over contracts. Negotiate now you can micromanaging. 

Setting up. Commercial spots, mean distribution, taking calls.

When you doing something cold calls, 

like when I'm doing the taxes, shit. When I'm doing taxes and QuickBooks, I know I'm wasting fucking money because it takes me three times as long is it to somebody that I pay to 

do it. So why Fuck hell with it. And if you pay somebody to do it, then they're liable.

And I could doing client work, where 

is that? And I could be doing client work making more money. That's true. Why do people don't? Like I said, it's a very and I think it's this I don't know, everybody blames social media for everything, but I'm to ask you what everybody just wants to be, like I said, they just want the credit. They just wanna say, I did this. And    once you like learn to humble yourself and say that I don't need to be whatever it, because it is, like I said, it's still gonna it's still gonna benefit you.

Like me. Like here's a problem example. Most people don't even know my. They have zero fucking idea with my, all, my actual name is they like, oh, it's black Nerd Mafia, dude, now you ready? You ready? You right. You 

right. So when I was looking, I was like, oh, this is Quai. Who this is Quai who Kevin was talking about.

This whole. 

Kevin kept talking, you 

kept talking to me. Right Here, say Black Mafia. And then he be talking about Qua and I'm like, okay. Them two different people. I was like, so I'm gonna meet this Kwanza guy. And I'm gonna meet Black Nerd Mafia when I go out to the event. No, it's the same person.

Yeah. That happens all the time. You know what I'm saying? I don't care about people knowing who I am. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. I think that's also come with age or whatever like that, that like with maturing,   I don't, yeah. With ma mature,    I don't need the attention. I don't need  I say this without getting in trouble, like for 43 years old and I'm married.

We go ahead. Much curse as much as freely speak. Whatever the hell you need. Say, I always get this big speech on stage about like black NA Mafia. It is like I always say, there ain't no money that you can give me. There ain't no pussy. You can gimme me to get on the stage. Yeah. Because like none of that stuff means anything to me.

You know what I'm saying?    So like a lot of things that can get other people caught up. In this, I don't say business, I don't know. That sounds like where, the scene, whatever it can. Dude and I I deal with a lot of women artists and they tell me like, how creepy it is out here.

Yes, man. They be like, yo, these dudes creepy as fuck sometimes. And it's my wife comes to all shows, whatever I, or I'm not, that is not something that you like, People had to be worried about, and I'm not trying to be cool, so it's I think I have the luxury to be able, like I don't need to put myself out in the forefront.

Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Because I don't, because a lot of that, the residual stuff from that is that being popular, being cool, getting women, getting whatever, I don't need none of that shit. So I don't care. I don't care. Don't. Whenever you see any promotional stuff, you never see a picture of me.

You don't ever see my name? No. Today is the first time I seen your You don't, right? Yeah. This is the first time I've seen your face. See, you'll see ta. You'll see everybody else. You'll see everybody else butt me. Even at my shows, you don't see me like, I 

don't I was about to say that came to your show, man.

And I didn't. That was there. 

I didn't see you, bro. It's on purpose, man. It's just like incognito Smart 

though. That's smart. You're like, ace, I'm paid in full. I don't want the light. You get out the light. Don't put me in the light. No, but I understand it. And just speaking out, it's just moving into this next question.

You're, we're jumping right into it. Speaking about the Columbia South Carolina art and music scene and how it is. How it runs and how people either thrive or die in it. But how did you come, how did you get the courage to create an environment specifically for African American creatives to come together to showcase their talents?

Not that it hasn't ever existed before, but it's just a different Right. Permutation of it. I hadn't seen one like this before. I've, and I know going out to the event and seeing what it looked like and seeing the vibe and how people are moving, and it's not just that it's African American creators, everybody's.

I think it's the fact, is there a certain type of, there's a certain type of scent, as I like to say, to an African-American event, right? And how it's ran. Everybody's involved. You can bring everybody in. But how did you have the courage to do that in this environment? Where did it 

come from?

It's, it's not like some noble, there's not like some cool answer to this shit like, Columbia music scene is trash and it's racist as fuck a lot of times, you know what I'm saying? And speak facts. I don't what's that phrase? I don't suffer fools. You know what I'm saying? So yeah.

I don't yeah. I don't deal with a whole bunch of bullshit, man. Like I, I've lived in Columbia ever since I was even other than Columbia with my teenage years or whatever. So I remember going out and wanting to go. And even like college age years, like wanting to go out and going to five Points or going downtown or whatever.

And all these places making these imaginary bullshit rules. Oh no. T-shirt, no. Oh. Just whatever, random, got shoestrings, shoe strings, shoes. No work boots. No work. Boots. Boots. But then immediately after you leave, sorry, a white dude walking there, like a little dirty ass hat, some shorts, some flip flops and a t-shirt.

They're like, oh, come on buddy. You know what I'm saying? It's like I grew up seeing that like into adulthood, yeah. And going to strip clubs or whatever like platinum plus or whatever it used to be around. Yeah. It would be these arbitrary rules they would make up to try to keep black people up.

I'm like, this's a fucking strip club, man. Why are you trying to why are you trying to like morals. Morals. You know what I'm morals at the strip club. Yeah. Chap take your hat off, stuff on $20 bill ass, whatever. You know what, so sure you, you respect her or whatever. Let's just, it's, but anyway, this is a gentleman's club.

It's a gentleman club. Exactly. I'm just kinda getting off track, but it's like growing up with that. I just wanted to be able to create an environment, especially quote unquote like downtown. Yeah, that black artists, InDEEP independent artists could perform at. And because a lot of times around here you see black people, honestly, a lot of black shows they're in out in Northeast are on Broad River.

They're on Weber. Yeah. And, Yeah. If I'm keeping it a buck, I don't really fuck around that side of town. I don't really, I don't really get down like I'm, and I say I'm too good for that, but I'm older. I don't, no. Can 

I say this? I'm gonna say this. I'm gonna say this. Yeah, we too good for that, bruh.

Okay. I don't need to be getting busted down and shot down on Broad Ripper Road. I was telling my brother this, and this is one thing why I like your events. Yeah. I'm like, Hey, my wife and I, we aren't extremely, like I was teased all the time. We aren't extremely old. We're young, we're married, white to go out to go to places and I tell all the time, I'm not trying to out.

You buy 

drinks and you. Yes. We're not grown. You and you've worked in food service, so you know what that life is exactly. Until you give a shit. Come 

on. So that's what it sucks to go someplace and feel like, Hey, I'm not getting good service, or I feel like I'm gonna get shot tonight for Shane, or somebody's gonna come in at my woman in a weird way, right?

And I have to fight somebody, right? You want that. You have the 

right to go to a show in the vista. Yeah that's it. And we and people will come out for it. Exactly. That's the thing. Yeah, exactly. And that's a big thing, man. So just like we had a show last night be Ray, oh, be Ray was the headliner.

There was a lot of other artists, whatever. But if you've been to our shows, man, like people bring their kids to our show, bring people, bring their babies to our shows. You guys, and I don't care if it's the whole lineup, it's all hiphop artists, whatever they. Yeah, they're kids. Their kids are dope dancing around, you know what I'm saying?

The artist brings their children like art, you know what I'm saying? Like I said, I bring my wife, people bring their wis, whatever, that, that is a big thing, like going to hiphop shows. I haven't seen, I don't feel comfortable bringing my wife to a lot with we might go to a ho show or whatever, cause Jay-Z is up, somebody like, like JayZ Z and Beyonce's.

I'm not taking my wife to a little booie cheesy concert, something like that. Because or whatever. Because you. You don't know what happen. I don't wanna turn this into a, referendum against speak on it, but I'm like, it's  like speak on that. I wanted to create an environment that you could basically, you could bring your wife and kids to, and you could feel, you could feel comfortable.

Yeah. And I think that we succeeded in that. And like I said, just like it also being downtown gives it, for whatever reason, a little more yeah, exactly. It's not, I'm performing at Broadway. I'm not performing at someplace northeast. I'm downtown. You know what I'm saying? all black artists in their headlining and it's accessible. It's like a neutral area. It is. It is. It's    every, it is downtown or whatever, and it's been exactly a year. Zero fights. Zero, thank you. Zero. Like zero. I don't even, I don't even how to explain zero. Like anger. Anger in the building whatsoever.

There's never been the remotes. It is thing. Drama Beef. Nobody pushing. No. A new stuff of my shoe knew you looked at my girl. Good vibes only. Oh, the whole time. The whole time. That's experience. And y'all be doing fundraising? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that's good. 

I'm like, yo, I went to this show and it reminded me of something that Kevin and I skipped that we used to do when we were back in college.

And Mike knows about this. He actually came to one of these things. We used to do these parties for a purpose, and at these parties we would do these parties and we would, Hey, we're gonna have party. Everybody's gonna have fun. You can get blackout drunk, you can listen to music, dance, do whatever you want.

But we're raising school supplies for these children. They be like, what? Yeah. For the cheering. So yeah, you gonna come in, you can bring your bottle. We don't want the bottle where the pencils at. Where the notebooks at. You got some coloring pen. We need that stuff for the children.

They're like, for real. Yo, we raised over $3,000 worth of supplies. Oh wow. At this point. And that's when we realized that, hey, like what you're doing, we said this can be done. You could still have fun. People want that. Yeah. Cause people want it. You said set a tone for it. Set 

a toe.

And that's, I hate like using this word as a sound, so whatever. Part of what we're trying to do too is maybe normalize is a better word, like normalize, but also like for, to get people that are young to do something like, especially like in a social media age, you just gotta make things seem cool.

You know what I'm saying? Yeah. If you mix, if you can make something mundane, seem cool, whatever, or something that's donated. So every show, like our early. I've been working like with the Hannah House for years. I dunno if you know what the Hannah House is. They're they go ahead.

I dunno, house is the right word or whatever, but they taking women that have been like abused or down or look or whatever, and living their children, they stay there. For, I don't know the exact amount of time. So they get on their feet and, they, and I was like, that is as a actually.

I started, I had, I have another organization that's called African American Father's Association. So this was like years and years ago we started working with them as a, I wanted to see these are disproportionately black women or whatever. I wanted them to see that, like my organization that was all black men, like cared, they, I wanted them to see that black dudes that cared.

So we would go and clean up the house or get Christmas gifts or whatever, just be there on. Because a lot of times women that are in those situations, they're running from like abuse or whatever, right? For 'em to see like black dudes some positive in the black situation.

So so that's how it like trickles into this thing. So like people see these dope artists or whatever taking up, doing a coat drive or doing whatever or might be like, somebody else might say oh that's cool man. I wanna do that thing. Or even if they don't think it's cool, they just.

Just bring something for that day or whatever. That's a expectation. Yes. 

To show some different from what showing support they've seen in the past too. And I'm gonna tell you like this, and I rem, one of the coolest albums I listened to growing up was Lupe Fiascos The Cool, right? And it just broke down to me what I thought was real in the world.

The fact that we have to literally change what we think is cool to make it. Make the uncool cool and the cool uncool so that way we can get what we want out of it. Cuz a lot of stuff I always look at is just it is just what's the word? It's critical mass getting people to certain precipice where now you can have the backing to just force stuff to go a certain way.

For instance, we all gangsters right now because I hate to say critical mass, nwa, et cetera, on and on, you just kept piling on. Gang says, Hey, I had to become a gangster wife cuz this is what I have to do. If you go into the past and you look at what they were doing in the past, we used to have a whole situation of love music because that used to be the critical mass coming out of the sixties and the seventies was power social movement and love music.

And so that's what we had. And then everything switched over, but. Another question for you on this topic. How has this collaboration that you have be that you have been building over the co past couple of years? How's ha how has it created new connections for you and Columbia and what is your stance on collaboration over competition?

And when we speak about hip hop? That's a very interesting question. 

Oh, that's one of my favorite things to say. Maybe it's cliche at this point, but I ain't, I'm not competing with anybody. So it makes it easier for me. Again, this is not trying to sound arrogant. This is just saying a matter of fact thing.

Nobody does what I do. You know what I'm saying? That's true. On your own lane. I'm I my own lane meeting with anybody. Like you could say on the surface that we're all doing shows that have music artists, but that's not even all things we do. We do poetry, we do, we're doing art shows.

We're doing I saw the trivia night. I was like, co a colleague, you're not going up against somebody for the same spot. don't, like I said, I guess it ties back into the same things of I'm not in this. CL or women or whatever. I'm also, it is, it's that same type of vein or whatever.

It's doing the work. And as far as collaboration goes, like

honestly, I'm having a change of mind on that or whatever. Speak on it. People can be self-serving and people can be duplicitous and I. I know what I'm about. You know what I'm saying? I know what I'm about and I, if I feel like somebody is just like trying to like, use me as a means to be opportunistic or to like, just like selfishly, like just try to do something for them.

I don't like that man. It's like I, I feel like the more black, the black NA mafia is the more popular it's becoming. You get people just like trying to latch you, latch onto you. I got you dog. A big homie. No matter what. It's if you ever need anything. Oh no. I got, I don't get the fuck outta here, like big red off of 

the five heartbeats.

But it's like big. Before I was just like, come into this shit like, blinded towards like, all right everybody let's just collaborate. Whatever. Everybody, we're all black. We're all like, whatever. We work together. Can't do that, man. You got I, I'm found out that I have to be, it's about protecting your, be selected by It has to make sense.

Exactly. It has to make sense, first of all, and not only do I have to like what you do, I don't like as the wrong word. Don't have to like what you do. I have to like respect, respect you as a person. As a, some people don't think about that part. I like if I wouldn't want to just like, hang out with you or get a drink with you or do anything with you.

I don't wanna fucking, I don't wanna work with you, period. Like I don't. That might seem narrow minded or whatever. I'd say okay, somebody that you wouldn't personally want to hang out with, then you don't wanna do mu, but I don't care. Like I said, I think that's protecting, but this is my lane.

Like I, people keep telling me like, it's so funny that like people will always try to, people. People who ain't doing shit, always trying to tell you how to do what you're supposed to be doing. Good points. I'm like, yo, it's such everybody. Yo dog, you need to do this, you should do this. Y'all don't do that.

I'm like, yo, you ain't doing shit. Why? How you gonna tell me what to do when you're not doing anything yo? Cuz if you tell somebody what to do and then they do it. Yeah. You get to get all that dopamine hit and all that achievement and all that and you don't actually have to do the work. That's the best job 

ever.

And they project onto you? Oh yeah. Their negative tactics and stuff. No, 

Here's a good example. So I started doing this. This event called pajamas of Poetry, or is it Poetry and Pajamas, one of the two? Whatever. That's fine. And it is exactly what it sounds like. Everybody comes in pajamas and they read their poetry or whatever, and it's been really successful.

Also having music artists that perform on those nights too or whatever, and it's been really successful. But when I, before I even started Black Damn Mafia as like a Lll C or whatever, I had the idea for like years and I've been telling people like, yo, this, I think this will be. Motherfucker.

You gonna tell me people gonna come in their pajamas and just read poetry? That sounds stupid. Dang. And then, you know what? All those years I was like, yo, what you're right man. Yeah. That does sound stupid. And I just never did it never did until, until I don't, long story short, I went to therapy like 2020 and I kinda changed a, how I view things a lot or whatever.

And then all this stuff that's happened in Black Mafia is from me going to therapy in 2020. You know what I'm saying? It is a completely different life going forward from going to therapy or whatever. So it's just, like I said, it's just funny people also what you're saying to your point is like people wanna put that little thing in there, but they also like wanna say Hey I don't know how old you are or what, how old you guys are, whatever you remember when Bad Boy was popping or whatever.

Yeah. And Puffy had this group, this producer called the Hitman or whatever. Of course. And basically they would make a beat, like all about the Benjamins. Yeah. And then Puffy would go in there and. Produce the hot right there. Credit. And that's what they wanted. That's what they wanna do. They want to be like, Hey, oh, when you, if hoping that you do get big or whatever.

And they like, remember that time when you asked me, I said that, yo, y'all's gonna be the Hilltop podcast. I added the glove part. Be the glove. You know what I'm saying? That's, like I said, that ties back into people just being opportunistic and being duplicitous and they just like just like they're just around for ulterior motives and I ain't got time for that shit, man.

Yep. When I see through it, I just thought I, it ain't gotta be no drama, ain't gotta be no beef. I just like, but I also make it clearly known that I don't fuck with you. Just like I'm not, it's not deal with you ain't beefing drama. You 

don't min your words. When it comes to dealing 

with people like that at all, man, like how I am talking right now, that's how I am when everybody like all the time.

It's just like For what though? Cause what? Like why? You don't gotta be mean. You ain't gotta say if you don't fuck with somebody, I don't fuck with you. Yeah, I can make it be known, without you dropped the ball on this. That's why I don't call you tomorrow. I 

don't text you, I don't include you in nothing.

Yeah. Yeah. Every, if, every time you text me, I'd be like, yeah, what up? Okay. Yeah, and I'm, it's like I said, I'm not gonna ever make any a big deal about it. Yeah. You don't have to be a asshole, but if you want, you. Come on my face like, yo, I thought we was supposed to be cool. And then, okay, then I have to let you know.

Now let's talk. You wanna have talk? Nows have talk Now lemme tell you what, I've been waiting to have us talk, actually talk to you about, tell you about yourself. Yeah. 

And I'll tell you this man, and I'm happy that you said this too. Like you said in 2020 you, you decided to go and get go to counseling or whatnot.

I actually have some therapy, man. And I know we're gonna go to this question about finding your voice. I know African American male, your father. You were born at the late seventies. Came from the hiphop came during the time of crack. Because when crack can't crack, it was a real thing y'all. Yeah.

Having to deal with that, being a part of millennials, seeing all this crazy stuff going on, watching the older generation move through. How important this, I know this is off cut topic from rap, but how important was the therapy for you in helping to deal with what you're dealing with, especially moving forward in business and coming out of the pandemic?

How did that help you? Because I know for our audience, this is something I, we need to hear this stuff. So when we see people that look like ourselves, do things that are good for ourselves, I like it to be promoted.

I'm like what's the word? I'm like hesitant to like, dive into it. The reasons why, because Hey, here we go. Anyway. It's all personal, man. It's all no. Not because I can speak about it, you know what I'm saying? But general terms, it's a weird thing, man. Like I even though something like traumatic happened to me, like when I talk about it, I don't ever want people to think that I am using it as like a means.

Crutch, clay CL or whatever. I'm not trying to like, I'm not trying to like, hey, feel sorry for me and I wanna build my brand on this thing or whatever. Yeah. So like I, I feel like I shouldn't have to say that when I say this thing, but   I always want people. Cause you never know like we live in a day and age where people literally do anything for alike, you know what I'm saying?

Yeah. And I just, I wanna make sure that I'm not one of them people. Got you. And I shouldn't have to say that, but whatever. But anyway long story short, whatever, when I was a kid, I got sexually molested by my older brother. Understood. And I. Never dealt with it or whatever, like my whole life or whatever.

And going into 2020, like I was, let me do this the shortest way possible. I was having what I didn't know before, like my whole life was having like panic attacks or whatever. Oh. And it started becoming like more frequent, like late 2019. I was like having my work. I was fucking freaking out.

I was just like uncontrollably crying for no reason. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. It was like just sitting up, being at work at my computer and. What is a salty discharge coming from my face? You know what is not even like I'm upset about something. I'm just like crying and I can't, I was like, this is weird.

You know what I'm It happened a couple times and then I was like, all right, man. Some something's wrong. Something is wrong. You know what I mean? And I started going to therapy in February, 2020. And, we started, and I, she was like, really? The, my therapist was like the first person I told all these things, whatever, told her what happened.

I was, when I was a kid, and I, Basically I went in there and emptied the clip on my therapist. That's when every fucking single thing that ever bad happened in my life. Everything bad that I ever did to anybody else in my life. Anybody, you let it go because that's one thing I think that I don't want everybody, anybody to ever feel sorry for me.

I'm not like some sympathetic figure, like I've done fucked up shit to, you know what I'm saying? I don't, nothing, like nothing like that level or whatever, but just being like a mean person, whatever, not knowing so like guilt and regret. You know what I'm saying?

To hurt people type shit or whatever. Yeah. Dealing with that, like my therapist, like helping me deal with these things. It just, it literally just like I say this all the time, whatever it was, like the first time I went to therapy, when I walked out, it was like at three o'clock in the afternoon.

I remember that. It was like in the summertime? No, it was in the wintertime. It was February. But anyway, it was like three o'clock in the afternoon was a really, it was a really nice day. Yeah. And like I went outside from therapy. I just like I said, I emptied the clip. The first session. It wasn't like the first session.

It was like, she was like, all right, yo, Mr. Brown you. Looking through your intake records da. All right. Tell me some things. It was like, wow. Wow. You been waiting. Everything. Didn't even let her talk. I was just like, 45 minutes straight, just, and this. And she was probably like, what the fuck?

Know I'm saying? That means you were ready to come in there. You ready? If I never come back, I just wanna make sure that I got it all out. You know what I'm saying? Confession. But I enjoy going, I do go back with her. But anyway, like when I walked back outside, it was. The sky just seemed blue.

Like the grass seemed green, like everything in the world just seemed better. You know what I'm saying? Like those it just seemed everything was better. Like I had a different outlook on life. Whatever. I was 80 pounds heavier, man. I lost 80 pounds weight lifted off his shoulders, you know what I'm saying?

Like it literal weight or whatever, and like being heavy all those years or whatever. Not saying there's anything wrong cause people start calling you like fat phobic or whatever, but you really lost weight. I dude lost 80. This is not 

bullshit fault. I 

thought he was a eight months, I almost 80 pounds, like eight months, whatever was like just changing my diet.

Yeah. Working out. Yeah. It's like once that stress burns off once I went therapy, it was like, felt like, it was like, it felt like it was nothing I couldn't do anymore. You know what I'm saying? And I was heavy for 15 years, you know what I'm saying? For a long time. And it was like I instantly lost that shit.

Anything I ever wanted to do. Black NAMA started that shit, wanna do this, did this like instantly. And that's why I. I got these movies and TV shows and albums inside of me that I've had since I was a teenager. Yeah, they're locked up now. Shit was just like knocking the shit out, you know what I'm saying?

Just like it. I don't know if you got have you ever felt like it used to be like I would have all these ideas, like a million ideas or whatever, and it was like a million ideas. There was like a million ideas running around in my head. I couldn't process processes, creative, but going to therapy.

It made all of those ideas get a single foul line and say, all right, you guys come one after the other. And now it's not it's not oh, it's dope. I wanna raise this album. Oh, what are we having spaghetti for? It was like a million, I'm gonna sit down and I'm gonna do, I'll come to this podcast.

I'm do this all, I'm gonna do this. And it's Having, I still have the same creative thoughts. They're, it is just more clear, you know what I'm saying? I can, no, and they're, and are more fully formed too. You think that is from like techniques and tools that you learned? Or just the being unburdened?

Like just, I think it's just being like literally being unburdened. Like carrying something, like something like that around you for like I said, something mean 30 something years or whatever.   It was like, and I don't, like I said, we don't gotta get too deep into it or whatever.

Yeah. But   it's    the things of that nature that like create, like, all right, there's a big like in the black community, like about like homosexuality and gang, so like big stigma. That was my whole life. I was like, if I tell somebody gonna think that I'm gay, whatever, like they gonna say that I'm gay because this thing happened to me or whatever.

Yeah. And that was like probably the biggest thing. Like I don't want nobody thinking I'm gay or whatever. And that's it took me like, Hey, like, why would I care even if I know I'm not gay. Whatever. Why do I care anybody? But not that it matters I'm gay or not, or whatever. That was a huge part of it.

Our 

community is 

extremely judgmental. And it was just like, yes. I never, I, it was weird, man. I never thought about it. I was like, it was like, if I tell those people this stuff, people gonna clown me, make fun of me whatever. And I was like, then I don't know why, after I had started talking to her I had this breakthrough.

I might tell somebody this and they start making fun of me. Are you making fun of a six year old kid getting molested? Say it again. Is that what you're, is that what you're doing? Are you, that's wrong. There was a six year old in this room right now getting molested. Would you be like, ah, that's funny.

How you bitch ass nigga? I'm saying make zero sense. Yeah. So that helped me deal with it. You know what I'm saying? That helped me deal with that. And then, like I said, It.  the, Here's the biggest thing I've, so    it helped me have difficult conversations. Going to therapy helped me be able to have difficult conversations.

So you could speak to people honestly. So I went and my parents didn't know, you know what I'm saying? Yeah. I talked to my parents, you know what I'm saying? Yeah. I told my kids, I talked to my son. My son. This was a couple years ago, so my sons are, Teenagers, like early teenagers or whatever.

Okay. I told them, I told 'em everything or whatever. I told my wife and I told, then I made this video on YouTube like 2020 I made like a, it's an hour long video just talking about the process, and I put it out there. I was like, it was like being unburdened, not like now. I'm like, okay, whatever.

I can talk, like I'm talking about it now. I don't care. This, yeah, it don't matter. I don't, it was stupid. It was not stupid because that's harsh. It was not a smart reason to be.

Afraid in a, in the first place. It wasn't a real reason but it was though, growing up. Cause I have seen people make fun of people for this is what I'm saying. Our 

immunity, remember when it's hard for us to have this. 

I spec I specifically remember two times or whatever it was. I don't wanna turn this interview into this thing.

We didn't. No, we're about to move. We got, but What are they, what are their name? Immature. Remember? Immature? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And it came out that a couple of them had got molested by like their manager or whatever. Yeah. I remember we were like, when it was like on all hiphop or one of them, one of them websites, whatever, and I remember everybody in the room just laughing. I'm in the room with a bunch of, I was in the military and everybody just laughing and I was just like, inside that shit, just was 

subjective. 

The little bow album. So we, 

I just like you. This is not unheard of, this is not, it's it just, Every time something like that comes up the way I see people like talk about it, that's the thing that made me like, feel insecure about it.

Cause like they're making fun of them or whatever or, you guys ever seen Antoine Fisher? Yes. Yeah. Woman or whatever, like that part, make fun of that movie, whatever. So we were watching like with a bunch of friends like that. Yeah. Like whenever, when I was younger I guess maybe even still now, like when I see something like that, somebody like getting abused or sexually molested or whatever, that.

Affection makes me feel weird. You know what? Obviously, you know what I'm saying? Yeah. I remember watching that movie just like crying on the inside, everybody like laughing and shit, and I'm just like, I found myself along the ears, like laughing along with everybody else too, just to like cover, like I don't wanna be the one like, why he ain't laughing?

You know what I'm saying? In a way I was like, I was doing the same shit, just to fit in or whatever. So you. Like I said we can get off that kinda like you talking about therapy or whatever. Yeah. But the 

reason why I was talking about that and why we were talking about that therapy is because like we were saying, you being a African American male and you're a father of two boys wanting to know how important is it for you to speak your truth?

And this is why speaking your truth's important. This is why it's so important because it allows you, once you find your voice, and I didn't even have to ask you this, you just told us that. Yeah, he really did. When you find your. With the confidence that comes along with it expression, how you're able to express yourself the right way, how you're able to move forward with things you want to do.

You can communicate your thoughts and your feelings better. Now you're out here creating, you're out here making the things that you want to make you don't have any roadblocks, stopping you from getting it at, and then when you have to deal with business people. You could be an asshole like Dame Dash.

Cause now you're able, like you said, to communicate the way you want to communicate. And I know I've had, I had this issue growing up. I was always really shy growing up and my father had to put us into therapy. In high school, Kevin will tell you, we had to go to therapy and we had to deal with a lot of stuff.

And it was interesting because we had, we went to a black male therapist. I ain't never seen one of these in my life. This in the nineties? No, this is in two thousands. Really? Oh yeah. This is why this blew my mind, cuz I'm up here talking and he's letting us talk the way we want to talk and my dad's sitting there and he is no, just talk to him like you talk.

I could just talk to my dad like, yeah, you talk trash to him if you want to. I was like, for real? And we actually got to express ourselves for the first time. We talk about all the stuff that went on, cuz we have a, I have a similar history as you do with that with molestation. And so we gotta talk about all this stuff out loud.

And what it did is after we left that, and I don't get to go on college and stuff like that, I could cont I continue doing therapy, but I realized, I was like, yo, I'm not as shy as I thought I was. Yeah. I was like, there were other things that were keeping me back from being able to express myself the way I wanted to express myself.

That's why I wanted to speak on that. And then when you just bought that up, it just off foam and it made sense 

rut  we, why we doing it like, It just makes me so sad you say that. Cause like when I tell once I started being comfortable enough to tell people their story, and like sometimes I'll, people will ask me about it and the amount of men that have pulled me to the side and said, me too.

Yep. That shit like, I'm gonna cry right now. That shit like makes me like, yeah, makes you 

emotional. Like 

that one, you can't imagine how many men that should happen to, you know what I'm saying? Or having one their kids or whatever and people like, yo, thank you. I could never do that. I could never tell you like, and this.

A lot of people, you know what I'm saying? It's a whole heck, it's a, that shit is, 

And then sad. And then just to move that into a building aspect, once you and especially for what you're doing with business and et cetera, if you see some of the issues that we have in our community, Where do you think that stuff coming from?

This is years in of trauma. In decades of trauma, violence, sexual abuse, et cetera, all that stuff. And you're saying, so why is the black, why are these guys selling drugs on the corner? Why can't they get they lives in order, et cetera. Go sit down and talk to 'em. For a second. And you'll see what's really going on.

But I know I do wanna wrap this up in the most positive way possible. And man, first of all, I have to say this. What you do is the, is one of the coolest things ever man. And I know getting to go to one of your events and being in that space and seeing how safe that space is, I see why it's so important to you for you to be like that as well and to have.

Women, men and children in the same location, having fun and experiencing hip hop and culture and black culture in downtown Columbia. My, my wife was so excited. I ain't never seen her so happy at an event outside with black folk. That's she was like, there's babies here. And I was like, I know, right? And she went inside, she got a little drink, we were hanging out and vibing and stuff and she's we coming back.

And I'm like, yeah, you right. We coming back. We definitely 

coming back. Yeah. Camp had a stroller when he came. Yeah. I never been no vent 

like. And I just have to say, cuz we always like to ask folks this is your time to do shameless promotion, man. Whatever you have going on, we want you to go ahead and tell our folks what you got popping off and then also let us know where we can find you on social media and how we can get in contact with you if we want 

to.

Okay. It's black nerd mafia on everything, essentially money. I really am only pretty much active on like Instagram. But I got it to where it automatically goes Facebook when you post it or whatever. Cool. Sure. I'm too, I ain't gonna say I'm too old. TikTok. I guess I need to get on TikTok if I wanna be I relevant or whatever, but I'm just old.

We everybody gotta get on their TikTok. I, I got a YouTube page I don't use either or whatever. So that's the goal of 2023 doesn't make more content and to be more, because content is really where. Content is an easy way to get exposure. Yes. Free. Yes, it's free. Yeah, free.

Exactly. Lemme remember your question. It was next year. I'm really excited, man. Like we, I've already started like planning out, I got like already through July of next year for all of our shows or whatever. So of course our next show is you guys. Yes. December 16th podcast. Speak on it.

We have a live podcast show. Featuring Tony Esther's podcast called the the Block List Podcast. We're gonna have a, we're gonna be doing a podcast Black Near Mafia. I don't want tell people what it is yet. It's a On the wraps. On the wraps? Yes. On the wraps, whatever. The last show of this year, December 30th is the Five Deadly Venoms that's mil Kenya, t Vibe, Tony, Esther, and Lady T.

And they're just dope, man. They're super dope. It's gonna be a, it's gonna be a crazy show. It's gonna be a crazy show, but next. The first show of January January 13th, it's gonna be an event called how do we do it? How do I word it? Guns down. Bars up. It's gonna be like a a bars up.

It's gonna be like a cipher. It ain't gonna be like a battles gonna be like a hip, like a cipher or whatever. And it's gonna be also like a A beat showcase. So beat Producers gonna come do beat Showcase or whatever, and it's gonna be like, so then it's gonna be like, because this is my thing, I got like merch that says it says ciphers greater than sign battles, whatever.

I feel get on a little tangent real quick. I love battles, like real on hip hop battles or whatever, but it just creates a negative energy. Like we know like no matter what, if I, if me and you got a battle, even if we are. We, if I wanna win, I gotta, I might gotta cross that line and say something, and    you might not say anything.

You might just feel some type of way about it and I might start festering and building up and it's just unnecessary. We're like, if you just wanna prove to me that you can rap, You can do an A cipher, just bitch your verses. It doesn't have to be That's true. To show your talent. It doesn't have to, like when you see the b e t cipher and like most def or whatever they're battling against each other cipher.

They're just their verse trying to compete a little bit, but I ain't having the best verse. And that's can be competition, be whatever, but Yeah. But it doesn't have to be direct head to head competition. Exactly. That's a good thing. Asia Blue has a show we having another poetry and pajamas in. We're having a women's appreciation show in.

Oh wow. March would be like all women performers and everything. We're having a mental health show. And special Special needs awareness show mental health, special needs awareness in April. April 21st. I wanna say April 21st. That's a big thing too, speak you about this other day. Yeah.

You need to speak, have you therapists coming in? Because a lot, like for me, the hardest thing about finding a therapist was like finding anyone. Say again. Find one. Like I wanna get something, help get some therapist. Hey, this is how you do it. If it's, they don't have billboards.

Huh. Therapists don't have billboards and then like special needs or whatever. Just like education on that. Like my youngest son. He has a SD which is like autism spectrum disorder, whatever. And just, but my son is I dunno if this is the right terminology, it'll be like mild or whatever.

Like Yeah, he's, super smart. Everything in school, but like socially he has social he's he's almost the best way to put it is the what's the dude Sheldon from Big Bang Theory. Oh, I gotcha. It's kinda like that. It's kinda like that, you know what I'm saying?

Yeah. And I just me and my wife had the resources and stuff to be able to get 'em diagnosed and everything like that. And a lot. L lower income people and essentially black people don't know even how to. Your child diagnosed or whatever. So like that's why you see a lot of black kids, they end up, like in high school, they're in like detention and getting suspended.

They're, they gotta a learning disability. They have a learning. Yeah. They was never diagnosed and they don't know. And they're just acting out because you call 'em fucking stupid. They're not stupid, they just have a learning disability or whatever. And we just wanna get people education on that.

Like how do I get my kid diagnosed? How do I get, because a lot of times you can get funds to pay for that stuff or whatever. Yep. Man, I didn't talk to you. Yeah. And we can send some people your way for that stuff. Okay. And then what else real quick? We're having a April, I'm real big, like tattoos.

We're having like this event called show us your Tattoos or whatever. And it's yo, show your tattoo working. Like tattoo artist appreciation. Oh, nice. Having a Juneteenth show. It's like real creative 

over here. Yeah. I'm love these, 

I'm thinking like I'm looking for a new tattoo artist. Yeah. Go shop.

And then the last show I got booked, whatever is June 30th. My birthday's July 1st. It's the next day, so it's gonna be like a birthday bash, whatever. So we got, yeah, we got, and that's not even all the shows. We got some dope stuff. Oh, real quick. So we already got, we do trivia on Tuesday. So every Tuesday we do trivia, curiosity, it's like obviously a variety of topics or whatever, starting in January, on Monday.

So we're gonna be doing like a game night. So it's gonna be like, oh, whatever kind of games we might have a smash bro tournament or we might have a checker tournament or connect forward tournament or any type game. Any kinda game like game play. Lemme know I play chess.

We might, my chess play, we might go there, do some hood games, you'll play some go with, so I mean like the 2023 is gonna be dope as fuck, man. Like I'm really excited. Man, this was a good episode. Yeah. Yo, you 

covered on the topic. You're gonna have to come back on next year. Yeah. And we're have to for sure.

Yeah, we're gonna have to re reboot, et cetera. But it's been a pleasure speaking with you today. I don't know, do y'all have anything else to add before we 

I don't talk much guys. Don't feel like I was, man. You were fine man. 

Fine. You're need to know. I just wanna say from the Hilltop glove DJ and what?

Tamaya Allen, what's up my man, Mike, right here. Kevin walking around, skip over here, walking around. But we wanna really thank our guests today. Quai man. A k a black nerd Mafia is the business. We thank you for joining us today here on the Hilltop Glove Podcast. I just wanna tell our audience, make sure you tell folks around that you love them.

Have a blessed and a beautiful week on this Saturday. It's a beautiful day outside, so if you're doing something today, man, enjoy yourself. Other than that 

Peace.