SPEAKER_04 1:46

This episode of the Hilltop Glove Podcast is sponsored by Turntable City, located at 202 Suite A, West Main Street in Lexington, South Carolina, where you can find vinyl, records, albums, and everything in between. For more information about selling vinyl CDs and tapes, please visit their website, www.turntable-city.com, where you can download the sound of turntables with free DJ mixes, remixes, and instrumentals. Be sure to follow them on Facebook and Instagram at Turntable City.

SPEAKER_01 2:27

Welcome to the Hilltop Glodcast, where Skip and DJ and What interview guests and discuss topics such as business, current events, and pop culture. The motivational podcast for the hip hop millennial. What's happening, Miss Tamaya?

SPEAKER_04 3:00

I'm doing good. How are you today?

SPEAKER_01 3:02

I am well, I am well. And this is gonna be a special episode today. We're gonna have our guest, Miss Mila Burgess Conway. Of course, she is a licensed medical mental health therapist. She currently works with children, teens, and families at a local middle school, middle and elementary school. She's a mother, an activist, and she's a professional. How are you doing today, Miss Mila?

SPEAKER_00 3:21

I'm doing okay. Thankful it's the weekend. I got through my work week and helped others get through their work week as well. So I am grateful for to be here. Definitely practicing some gratitude today, which we will talk about as we get into it. So, yep, I'm good.

SPEAKER_01 3:36

Beautiful, beautiful. And of course, we we've discussed this a little bit already earlier. We're trying to make sure we have this hit off correctly, but this is a special episode. Uh, it's more so a conversation than an interview or anything of that sort. We just want to discuss, especially this month, I was trying to think about how to put this in a uh succinct manner, but this month has been wild, especially this week with all of the events and activities going on locally and nationally. It can lead to a lot of stress, fear, anxiety, and et cetera. And this is something that dealing with this stuff is hard to do alone, and people do need strategies and ways to cope with this in a proper way. And I just we decided, hey, let's let's call on our our one of our favorite people, Miss Mila, to see if she has some ideas of how we can talk, strategize, and deal with these things, and that's what we're here for today. So just to begin, we'll jump right into it. What has been going on in the world this week?

SPEAKER_04 4:41

What has not gone on in South Carolina?

SPEAKER_00 4:46

Yes, right, yes, yes, and y'all know, and this is Mila, for folks who don't yet recognize my voice, y'all know my thing is I've I keep some tabs on what's going on, but for my mental health and to be able to do the work that I do, y'all know I limit social media during the week, but I still do get snippets and tidbits of what's happening, such as the verdict, a recent assault of a young man in our own summit neighborhood in Columbia, South Carolina, you know, and and and of course, folks being killed at the hands of folks that are are sworn to protect us. So I know that there have been some very intense and violent and very upsetting and triggering things going on, but the specifics I have kept myself away from just so I can get through my days. So yeah, just being real transparent about that. I don't know all the full details of everything going on, which that's just where I am right now with things.

SPEAKER_04 5:43

No, I respect that. I'm the same way. Um I really don't watch the news, I really just hear stuff through social media, or if someone I pass by throughout the day mentions it, like the whole verdict situation, I just can't take in all of that energy, you know? Right. Yep.

SPEAKER_01 6:02

Manual, I'm I'm totally the opposite. I'm horrible. I'm a news whore.

SPEAKER_00 6:07

No, no, no. No judgment, no judgment. It's all it's your boundaries. It's your boundaries. It's all right.

SPEAKER_01 6:14

Well, I do watch, I'm telling you, I watched the news. I was kind of brought up in that sense of reading the newspaper and stuff like that. And so I'll go and check out just to see what's going on around me in my community. But interestingly enough, this week was hilarious because it actually smacked me in the face because I wasn't paying attention to it uh until people brought it to my attention, and then realizing how close to home some of the news hit, it then kind of tricked me into delving into it even further so I could see what was going on with it. And I I don't know if many people know. I know I work at the hospital, and so I deal with folk coming in every day, a lot of older folk too, and I talk with them and see them uh through the course of my day. And I always, my job is to make sure that they're in good spirits, that they come in, that they're positive, that they're ready to engage whatever treatments or obstacles they gotta see that day. So I try to bring um great energy to them, and that's one reason why, especially coming into this stuff, I try not to let that stuff weigh in on me because I don't want to deliver that energy to anybody else. So, especially this week, I was actually kind of happy that I didn't know about this stuff until later into the week. But as we know, we've had um we've had a number of police shootings this year, and this is an interesting tidbit or fact for you all, and this thing blew my mind. In the year of 2021, we have had a police shooting every single day of the year where there was a death, except for three days. There's only been three days this year when somebody was not murdered by a police officer. That hurt my heart, man. And that was what I said as yeah, man, because I can understand there being occurrences and things that go on and there being accidents or misunderstandings, but when there's a consistent you know, input of data, it's almost all wears.

SPEAKER_00 8:24

It almost seems systemic, dot net. Hmm. Almost um almost seems systemic, if you will, if I might use that word.

SPEAKER_04 8:33

You know, back in the early 90s, you know, what it was like compared to now. We get to see the total change of technology, violence, and then how people are not connecting anymore, especially with the COVID happening, people can't connect and understand each other. It's it's so it's so crazy.

SPEAKER_01 8:55

I agree with that, Tamaya. I've been trying to understand that point too. My big thing about it has been that our ability to socialize properly has we have lost a little bit of that, especially during this COVID madness, dealing with being on lockdown and in our own little bubbles. The ability to go back out into public and engage the public. Mila, this is something that you may want to speak on. We we have kind of lost that ability to deal with that that ability to engage properly. And so small bits of stress or tension nowadays, they just blow out of proportion. They blow out of proportion.

SPEAKER_00 9:32

Absolutely like zero to a hundred.

SPEAKER_01 9:35

Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 9:36

Yeah, and but even before COVID, you know, it's not it's it's not that COVID brought on these shootings or brought on like these extra stressors. I think they just exacerbated what was already there, you know. COVID was not because of COVID and being in the house, the outlets that folks typically did have obviously were not ready readily available. And we all know that, you know, I'm sure we've all experienced our own heightened stress, heightened depression, heightened just kind of awareness of what our needs are and how they were not being met, right? You know, societally or just not being met through whatever means we were meeting them previously, that has all been heightened. And then you just uh multiply that by, you know, seven billion people on the planet, and now we have a little bit of a power uh powder keg going on, you know? Yeah. Um so some of I mean, some of the things that I I kind of like made some notes and I wanted to be very succinct about what I shared because I want folks to be able to really get what they can from from our discussion today. So some of the some of the things that I kind of wrote down, I was like, okay, girl, make sure you say this, make sure you share this. I really, I really want it to be helpful and I want it to, I guess, kind of help us all on like a personal level and like even within our own households, how we can reset. And now that there's a vaccine and you know, I folks are taking it or not taking it, but I am seeing a shift in of folks being more comfortable to be out, being more comfortable to be around others. So how can we kind of reset ourselves and then walk into this new normal, you know, just being back in society and interacting with people. So that's really that's I I kind of made a list and I wanted to really talk through and share how we can do these things for ourselves and maybe support our family, friends, and others to do these things too, so that we can, you know, this is I'm talking small scale because hopefully the more we individually do these things, my I'm I'm an eternal optimist. It's it's kind of aggravating sometimes how optimistic I can be. But that's just how it's like. We'll take it. That's just how I am.

SPEAKER_02 11:44

That's how I am.

SPEAKER_00 11:45

I'm just like, man, if I'm not hopeful, I don't know what's gonna happen. Let me just try to be hopeful. So my hope is that as we kind of talk through these and we start making some small ripples together in this conversation, it just ripples out, out, out, out. And we're at least making some good waves around the people, the people around us, and they go on, you know? So yeah, a lot is going on, a lot of negativity, you know, and there's of course generational trauma that that we as black folks carry anyway, but I think we can start small and and start to see some see some things change. So the first thing on my list, I am really curious about y'all's comfort level with going outside. Have you been outside in the sun? Have you been in the sun?

SPEAKER_04 12:29

Yes, that is, yes, yes, yes. I love this good, good. Yeah, we need about 20 minutes of sunlight a day.

SPEAKER_00 12:38

I heard that. Absolutely, yes. And some of these are like when I when we talk about them, it's like duh. Uh you've heard it, but this is like seriously, some of these are so basic. It's not even like, oh, she's gonna drop something profound. No, I'm about to tell you some real basic stuff that you can do free of charge. Because one thing I do want to be mindful about too is a lot of times I think it's gotten a little bit convoluted where just the way our society is set up and with capitalism, self-care has been a bit commodified. And so folks think when they hear self-care and they hear hear like some of these tips and tools, they're thinking, oh man, well, I don't have money for a gym membership. Oh man, I can't afford a manny petty this week. Oh, it's not even about that. I am legit sharing things that you can do free of charge. I'm actually kind of speaking to and thinking about like the community I grew up in, folks I grew up around who, you know, if we ate that day, awesome. If our lights were on that day, awesome. So we didn't have money to buy gym memberships and all that. So I'm I'm kind of speaking to who I was as a kid. Yeah, like the things I know I could have done to get me through, if that makes sense. So going outside, stepping outside, if you can do it safely, is free, is it not?

SPEAKER_04 13:56

Yes, it is free.

SPEAKER_00 13:58

Yeah, right, right. So just going outside, like getting out of your house, especially with COVID. We've been trapped in our houses. Going outside, that can be a very, very wonderful way to it's very calming. I know for me when the sun is on me, that kind of opens me up and heightens my ability to meditate when I do. So sunshine is a big deal. Just stepping outside. Have y'all has anybody been brave enough to check out the farmers market downtown?

SPEAKER_01 14:27

You better know. I can't. I'm trying to get myself out there, man. You know, I work in a hospital. I work at a hospital, so I have very realistic expectations and understandings of how to keep myself safe, how to move around within uh individuals, and of course, and I always keep up to date on my scientific knowledge and uh my doctor, the not knowledge from the doctor. So yeah, I'm very comfortable, very comfortable.

SPEAKER_00 14:55

Okay. How about how about you to me? I'm curious. Um being nosy.

SPEAKER_04 15:00

Yes, I have I've been to um you know Soda City and then the flea market. So yeah, I mean I haven't stayed as long as much as I've you you would in the past, you know, but it does feel like during the whole COVID when it first started, we were in solitary confinement, you know. Right. And it really made me think about the kids mostly because that's how they interact as outdoors. So I figured they would be suffering the most from this.

SPEAKER_00 15:26

Right. So I'm curious now, just to kind of reinforce some of this, how did y'all feel being outside in the sun, around others as safely as possible, of course? Tell me how you felt.

SPEAKER_04 15:38

Great. I felt great just to see people, really.

SPEAKER_03 15:41

Yep, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 15:42

Yes, that was I like people watching.

SPEAKER_03 15:46

Yeah, there's nothing wrong with that. I like that. Right. So it kind of brought you some joy. Yeah. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 15:55

That was my big thing. I I I like I like people so much, it hurt not to see them. So I wanted to be able to at least conversate, give a smile, or do something. So I enjoyed going out into those public, public spaces for just for those opportunities. Not that I was gonna put myself in any danger, any risk, but just being able to, you know, see the people move. And I like how somebody says she likes people watching.

SPEAKER_04 16:19

Yeah, and then watching entertainment. You start to see familiar faces and you recognize people even though they have their mask on. You're like, oh wow, I really know your eyes.

SPEAKER_02 16:28

Are you right?

SPEAKER_00 16:31

Right. Yes. Oh my goodness. That I I'm I'm so happy you said that. It it is something about that connection with people, like through their eyes. And that's a deeper conversation. But yes, I I when you said that I just had very, very strong memories of of recent running into people I hadn't seen in a while and seeing their eyes and connecting just that way. Oh, that's powerful. It's like a light up of joy. You're like, oh my God. Yes, yes, yes. So going outside, and I'm, I mean, you know, for folks, because I know transportation in and around South Carolina is not always reliable, not always accessible. So even if folks listening cannot get to your markets and and all that that we that we're talking about, if you can even step outside if you if onto your yard, onto your porch and still utilize the sunshine, still utilize just having kind of that that that feeling and that being just outside of your home and all the energy that's you know, kind of been stirring and stewing in your home, even just stepping outside of your own home, getting into the sun, listening to the birds, having some wind blow on your skin. That is that works too. That works too. And so that that kind of leads me to my next thing that I, you know, kind of want to talk about is I mentioned a second ago stepping out of the energy of your home, because I I think we can all possibly relate on how stagnant things might be feeling in your home, whether that's with your items, whether that's with your relationships, whether that's with like even your own energy in the home. So cleaning your space. Talk to me about that. Like have y'all anybody done some spring cleaning yet? Anybody like thrown out things you don't need, dusted? Even for me, we do Palo Santo in the house. We light candles, we open the windows, everything that's not of positive energy, we're kicking out. So how about that? Burning sage.

SPEAKER_04 18:28

I'm an aromatherapy person, so literally all day I have a scent burning. Lately, I've l I like burning, you know, some lemongrass, lavender, peppermint, but also what is it called? Resin. Some kind of smells of resin. Oh my gosh, I love the smell of resin burning. I can't do it in my house because it's a little too strong, so I can do it outside. Um because it it's it smokes up a lot. So that really, really calms me even faster than the sage and the aromatherapy and and the polio santo. So that really helps. Um, what do I use? Prayers blend. I can't think of another name of the other one, but yeah, prayers blend.

SPEAKER_00 19:10

I'm taking listen, I I just wrote that down. I'm yeah, that's awesome. I'm learning too today. Listen, I'm trying to get my life also, trust me. It's so yes, it's way clean as smell. Mm-hmm. So cleansing your space. And I when I was, you know, kind of make taking notes on things that I know helped me and I know have helped others, you know, I I thought back. We folks joke about it now, but you know, thinking about mama or guardian or just whoever raised you up at up at the crack of dawn on a Saturday, blasting old school, blasting Motown, blasting whoever it was, cleaning, vacuuming, just getting it in. And that's how a lot of us woke up on Saturday morning, right? It makes sense to me now. And I would be so mad. I'd be like, man, this lady, it is 6 a.m. and not a school day. Why is she vacuuming outside of my door right now? It can't be that much. It makes sense now, y'all. It makes sense.

SPEAKER_01 20:09

It was a free, it was a free way of expressing and cleaning and like cleaning those. Like, think about it, like you were saying, like it was something to do that you normally don't have time to do. You find the time. I have a I have a friend, good friend named Mohammed Rashid, and he used to always tell me, he's like, Man, if it's good for you and it's positive and you need to do it, he said, you will find time to do it. And that's what they were doing. They were finding that time and making that cleaning. And I'm not gonna lie, Kevin, brother tell me I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm an advocate for for cleaning um and and proper space feng shui and stuff like that. I think it's important because you really do feel the difference of the before and the after. People think it's it's the simplest thing. It's one of those things like you said, this these are things that don't cost you anything normally.

SPEAKER_00 20:54

No, it's just time and effort. Right. And and these, and and when I'm sharing these things too, I'm hoping that well, I I'll just say I want I want people to consider the joy that can be cultivated with these things. So cleaning your space, I think when I'm cleaning my space, I've always got music planned. I've got a candle because those things bring a level and a sense of joy to what I'm doing. So when I'm cleaning, I'm not thinking about it as a chore. Sometimes it can feel like a chore because you're like, dang, I don't feel like doing this. If you've had a hard day and you're tired and you don't want to clean, like it's not gonna feel like a joyful thing. But when you can make time and play music and just get that joyful spark going around it and turn it into a game or a dance, or yeah, it's your perspective on things. Right. We're talking about cultivating joy. So, you know, if you're cleaning and you can get on some music and you can and be sparking joy as you go, that's a part of it too. So yeah. Um yeah.

SPEAKER_04 21:55

Well, another thing that I do, I do this literally at night every night, um, and sometimes throughout the day, listen to um Hertz music. So YouTube, I just type in a certain number like 432 H Z for Hertz or 528. And it just the frequency just it definitely calms you, and it just helps you just live in that moment instead of the future or the past. That helps a lot.

SPEAKER_01 22:24

I agree with that. I agree with that. I like those healings because healing hurts.

SPEAKER_00 22:29

Yes, yes. This flow is on point, y'all. I'm not gonna lie, because that's my next point. Um yes, yes. And and I I when I took my note, I I I wrote, I said, purge as much extra mental crap as you possibly can through journaling, writing, poems, music, sounds, dancing, art. So those tone playing those tones and doing the Hertz music and all that, that is an excellent way to really kind of purge and cleanse some of that energy that's been sitting on you. So the one before was about like cleaning your personal space, you know. The next one is is is as much as you can do to purge and cleanse your inner space. So, folks journal, of course, you know. I don't know y'all personally, but y'all give me some artsy vibes. So I feel like y'all probably do some artistic, musical type things that get that extra crap box. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Well, talk to me then. Let's, let's, let's share. Let's let's what do y'all do to get that extra mental negative energy off you, like in in the form of art, writing poetry, music, and all that? Like, what does that look like for y'all?

SPEAKER_04 23:39

Listen, my I'm all art. Like, I went to Benedict and I graduated a bachelor's of art. So So I did fine art, studio art. So I did painting, drawing, sculpture, photography, videography. But right now I do photography, videography, and I model. So any area of the arts I am in, I will draw murals. I just like to just be creative. I'm all around creative. Anything you need me to do, I will do it.

SPEAKER_02 24:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 24:07

So I've honed in, I've really honed in on just my goal in life is really to bring the creativity out of other people out of self-awareness. Because everybody has that creative spark in them because we're all creative like our creator. If he created all of this, just imagine what we can create in our minds or with our hands. More physical, but I know everybody is not physical. So I love the fact that I've met Kevin and Anwar and everybody else because they're helping me tap into sound like music more. I wasn't really more a music person as a child, I was more just drawing, coloring type thing. So now I'm thinking about moving into yoga and then bringing the sound into everything. So this is just perfect for me.

SPEAKER_01 24:51

Exactly, exactly. And just to to run off that, like she said, yeah, man, music stuff, man. I I'm sitting right now in front of my turntables and I have a bunch of um records and stuff down here. And whenever I need to get some positive energy flowing, or if I need to express myself, man, I'll especially when I have this is my big thing. This is what going back to the point before about the cleaning, the cleansing of the space. I always, this is how I was taught from one of my meditation instructions, instructors and yoga instructors, this guy, this guy by the name of Greg Leota, and Kevin knows this guy very well, this gentleman very well, but you start, you clean your outer space, and then you move it into the inner space because you're the outside space for me. This is a big thing. I can't do much when my outer space is cluttered or or dirty. I'm one of those people, so I'll clean everything, get everything correct, have the outside serene. So then I can go and just I'll sit and work through my records, just listening through records, either trying to make beats or just making mixes, listening to their different sound qualities and textures, trying to either hear voices. My big thing is I love jazz. So I love vocals, those are cool. But I'll just sit for hours and just listen to trumpets and saxophones play, listen to people play the keys, the different moves on the bass and stuff like that. And I'll listen to stuff for hours. And it just does something for my it does something for my spirit that I can't get from other things in life. This is substances, even basketball. I love basketball. I'll play basketball all day. It don't matter. But there's something about listening to the music and going through different errors and genres of music that does something for my soul that I can't get anywhere else. And so you can tell if I'm having a good week or not. My dad always tells me, he'll be talking on the phone, he's saying, Have you been listening to music this week? He can tell. He's like, All right, so this week. You haven't been listening to no jazz. He's like, I need you to listen to such and such. He's like, he's he's playing some great stuff on his clarinet. And I'll go and listen to it. I'm like, You're right, you're right. I mean, because my dad, he knows me. My father knows me. He's like, yeah, all right, that's gonna be better. But yeah, those are one, that's one of my things. I love it.

SPEAKER_04 27:04

Well, you should definitely do a drop. Oh, go ahead, a drop of some music for us on this episode, you know.

SPEAKER_01 27:11

And we have to, you're right about this. We have to put together a little mix to put in some episodes for the folks, man.

SPEAKER_00 27:19

So perfect. So I was right. Y'all are artsy, okay then. And then just to just to bring it back to folks who maybe don't have access to records, who don't have access to, you know, at this time higher education where they can learn different things and kind of make those connections, journaling. Like even if if if folks want to, if if you're in school, if you're in uh public school and and you can like get a journal or a notebook or something from a teacher and you want to just write how you feel every day good, bad, ugly, and different. You want to write it all down. Poetry, writing, drawing, just any anything you can access for free to use to get those feelings out so they're not sitting inside of you, you know, festering and becoming stagnant and causing more difficulty. And like we said at the top, you know, of course, uh so much is going on. Like I am not discounting how how it might feel to like get some emotions out, but then have all this other negative stuff dumped right back on top of you, you know? So none of these are magic wands, none of these are cure alls, none of these are one size fit all, but these are just some small things to try to take the pressure off every day if you can, you know, just so we we're we're moving, we're trying to move out of this powder keg, y'all. We're trying to make these positive good ripples. We're trying, you know, and so these are just small things that can happen to do that.

SPEAKER_04 28:39

Journaling is is really good when you go back and look at how much you've done. I started journaling when I started doing the 21-day meditation with um Oprah and Deepak Chopra. It's a free uh uh meditation. So I started writing them down because I'm like, this is good information. I can't like let me sit in my mind, like, no. Right. So I wrote every single one down. I've been doing that for about four years now. And then I go back and look at it, I'm like, wow, I really came a long way. I have like seven journal books, like in literally every page is full, every page, front back. Yep. Wow. And I didn't even think I could even get to that point. I didn't, I was never a journal person. I mean, I wrote like a diary, but then I never kept up, kept up with it.

SPEAKER_01 29:27

But you started such momentum that it just started rolling, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 29:30

Yeah, yeah. Other things come into your your aura where you just start picking up on other resources. You know, I visit this site called One Commune, and they help with, you know, just spiritual well-being. So they have free resources also. So people should definitely check that out. It's one O-N-E commune, C-O-M-M-U-N-E. But you just subscribe to it. They have a lot of mental and spiritual weekly like classes that you can join for free, whether it's yoga, taking over it, taking over anxiety or stuff like that, you know?

SPEAKER_01 30:07

And are these are these do they have these, are these like online lessons?

SPEAKER_04 30:11

Yeah, online lessons, and then they also have a podcast too that you can subscribe to.

SPEAKER_01 30:18

We'll have to we'll have to put this that a link to that in the in the program today. But yeah, that's that's excellent. That's a good old resource, yes, ma'am.

SPEAKER_00 30:25

Absolutely. To me, a dropping jewels now. Come on, drop.

SPEAKER_04 30:30

I can say that I think that it's yoga really opened up all of this because that was my first journey. It was yoga, and then that led into meditation and then spiritual awareness and then just well-being. Right. Perfect.

SPEAKER_00 30:47

So that kind of that kind of rolls into my next thing, which I feel like maybe the two of you, just based on what you've shared, have a lot of thoughts that are very mindful about this, but checking your breathing. A lot of times when I'm in session with people, I start to notice when they're telling me about some trauma and something difficult. I notice either they're holding their breath or they start to breathe faster, right? Which that's normal. Our brain, when we're when we're talking about trauma, when we're watching trauma, when we're experiencing trauma, when we're rethinking trauma, our fight or flight kicks in. Our amygdala goes into overdrive to protect us. That is a natural thing for uh for our protection. But sometimes trauma can kick that gear into overdrive and cause us to go into fight or flight when the situation may not necessarily necessarily call for it, right? So checking your breathing, being very intentional about how you're breathing. I watch videos with folks in session and really try to get them to practice. There's one video I share with folks, it's the four, seven, eight breathing technique. And for me, just because of I don't, I'm not sure why, maybe it's my physical makeup, I have to do five, five, six breathing. So it's basically, you know, just sitting with your spine erect, letting your shoulders drop, you know, just kind of being a puppet on a string is is how it's described sometimes. And then you breathe in four or five, and then you hold it for seven or five, just whatever count works for you. And then you exhale for for six or eight. So it's four, seven, eight breathing or five, five, six breathing. And of course, you're breathing from your diaphragm, that that spot that's like right below your lungs is where you're breathing from. A lot of times when folks are, you know, getting upset and frustrated and really, you know, really worked up about either internal or external triggers, our breathing is one of the first things that changes. That's one of the first things, one of our first physiological responses is our breathing. And then eventually you might feel your heart pounding, you might sweat, you know. But if if folks can be your hands might shake. Right, correct, correct. But if folks can be very intentional as often as they can about their breathing, that can that can help us to be calm as well. And can that's easy. Breathing is free for now, and hopefully that does not change. Listen, I'm am I listening we jobs light? Right. It's a crazy world right now. Breathing is free.

SPEAKER_01 33:21

Right, you're right. Right.

SPEAKER_00 33:23

So if if we can if we can start to train and control and learn how to our kind of keep our fight and flight mechanism in check, that is an excellent and free thing to do. Now, I'm not discrediting folks that need to go to mental health counseling or need other treatments that they need to some deeper training and a deeper understanding and practice and work through trauma so that they can start to get their fight or flight responses in check. And I will talk before we're done, I will talk about places and what people can do, where they can go to actually get somebody to help them walk through that process of how to do this. But for now, an easy thing that anyone can do is in every moment that you think of it, every moment that you can kind of stop and say, Oh, let me check my breathing. Do that. Like actually stop if you can safely and comfortably and check in with how you're breathing. Check in with, you know, okay, do I do I need to take some deep calming breaths right now? Do I need to just kind of sit? Do I need what needs to happen? Am I breathing in a way that's going to keep me calm in this situation? And so yeah, I I can imagine I with yoga, as you as you mentioned to me, uh, I I know that yoga and breathing go hand in hand. That's a part of the practice.

SPEAKER_04 34:37

So yeah, I'm actually getting uh certification. So I'm doing my 200 hours right now. So this is like so which is amazing. Breathing brings you back to the present moment part in my journal that I wrote. It says to remain in control, the mind seeks to cover up the present moment with the past and the future. So the mind thinks it's in control, and then the ego thinks it's in control. So what are we really in control over if we don't practice present moment awareness or mindful breathing? So I literally at night I stretch for about 45 minutes before I go to sleep. And yes, it does help a lot because one, you're breathing slowly and I release tension on my body and prepare myself for bed. Doesn't matter the time because I don't have a bedtime, but it definitely helps because you're inhaling through your nasal passageway, and then it's like you can feel the oxygen coming to your brain and relaxing your muscles. It relaxes. So when I'm teaching, I'm I'm still learning how to teach my yoga classes. So this is what I do I say inhale and then hold it and then exhale. So, like you said, about the what five, six.

SPEAKER_00 35:58

Yeah, five, five, six is my count, but four, seven is kind of another one folks use.

SPEAKER_04 36:03

Yeah. And then as I'm stretching, I tend to realize that sometimes when you're stretching, you you want to be somewhere you're not. Like, oh my gosh, this person is more flexible to me. So I have to continue to remind myself when I inhale, I say this is, and then when I exhale, where I am. I like that. You have to accept where you are in the moment and in and in life, you know?

SPEAKER_01 36:27

Mm-hmm. I like that. I like that. That's a good strategy. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 36:32

It's like a mantra because you have to keep reminding yourself literally every day because our minds like to push us in the future and places where we're into the past. Yeah, where we want to be where we used to be. And it's like, no, honey, this is where you are.

SPEAKER_02 36:49

No, no, we're in the moment, boo.

SPEAKER_00 36:53

Let's do this.

SPEAKER_02 36:55

Right.

SPEAKER_00 36:56

Right. So, yes, checking your breath. And again, you know, I I keep trying to bring it back to folks who can't at this time maybe get to a yoga class. Like, I I know, like, you can every oh just about everybody's got a phone in their hand right now. So you could easily go on YouTube and and find very specific stretches in yoga and things, you know, that that you can do for yourself. But for folks who maybe don't have a phone or don't have a resource or just are like, okay, I don't even have time for what you're talking about right now. If you're alive, you're breathing. And so, yes, you do have time to stop for at least maybe 60 seconds, 30 seconds, check your breath, and then maybe just slow it down, slow your breath down five, five, six or four, seven, eight, and really just try to calm your brain back to the present moment, back to where you are, so you can face the stressors in front of you. So, yeah, if you if you can breathe, breathing is free. Like I said, if you can breathe, you can stop and check your breath, and you can you can get it at least get it together in the moment you can move forward.

SPEAKER_01 37:59

I keep hearing you when you say breathing is free. I keep hearing you say for right now, for right now.

SPEAKER_04 38:03

Right, for right now. After a while, you never know with this new generation.

SPEAKER_01 38:14

Let's uh I like that point you made. Like, just let's take advantage of these things. Like, take advantage of these things.

SPEAKER_04 38:20

Like, that's I'm all about free resources. I'm all about anything free.

SPEAKER_00 38:26

And and our bodies, just like our bodies have taken on trauma and strife and everything, our bodies also have an amazing capability to heal and to seek out what will be helpful and pleasurable and and you know the best for us. But because of trauma, maybe because of things that that society keeps saying, like, we don't deserve to heal, we don't deserve, like we just need to work, work, work, work, work till we die. Yeah, that is that is not the correct narrative. That's what keeps getting reinforced, but that that's not correct. So the same way that our bodies seem to have taken on this trauma, this hurt, this pain, we absolutely have the capacity within our own selves and bodies to heal. Um, and so just knowing that we deserve it, like we it's for us to have, it is for us to practice and get into, like it is for us. We just need to hear more of that and be reinforced with that more than what we're hearing otherwise, which is a lot of times negative. So another thing I put down, which I think was mentioned earlier, your team, your team, your circle, whether that's uh your family, whether that's your best friends, whether that's a church group, whether that's your guru, your mentor, your yoga instructor, your father, um, your mother, whoever it is, being on a team if you can, if you've got folks like that. And if not, I would encourage folks to figure out who is on your team. Who can you reach out to? Who can you talk to on the phone? And they're they they can hear your voice and say, Did you listen to jazz this week? And they know something's up, you know? They know, okay, something's not right, and they can have an honest and open conversation with you about, okay, something seems off. What do you need? What can I do? And that so sometimes when we're just going throughout the day and we're just trying to do this thing, do that thing, do this task, do that task and just make it through the day. I have plenty of days like that as a therapist. I'm just trying to like check these boxes, help this person, do this thing, feed my kid, do this, do that, pay bills. And a lot of times I get caught up with just trying to do do do. I forget to check in with me. But the one person, the one person that always just can look at me and be like, okay, what's up, is my husband, Mike, who y'all know. So he's so chill. He and I haven't met him yet, just over our conversations through this.

SPEAKER_01 40:57

He's real, he's real chill.

SPEAKER_00 40:58

He is. And he he will check me. And in the moment, it feels like an affront because I'm like, no, I'm not gonna stop. I've got this, this, this, this, this to do. And he's like, but listen, you're driving with four flat tires though. How far do you think you're gonna, how far do you think you're gonna get on four flat tires? Okay, well, keep doing your thing then. Let's see how far you get. And the minute I break down, he's there, like, okay, what did I say? What do we need to do? So having people on your team that you trust, that you know will look out for you, that when you get caught up in your day-to-day, but they can look and say, Hey, you know all these things to do, but you're caught up. Can't you do you trust me enough to to pause you so we can work on what you need to do? Having a team is paramount if if you can have one. And if like I said, if you don't have one, figure out who in your circle actually keeps consistently showing up and checking on you and and encouraging and reinforcing some of these positive things. So, yeah, that's on my list. You gotta have a team. Sometimes we can't see ourselves for what we are and what's going on, but others who love us can. And and we got I think it's important to trust them and to know and to not feel so defensive and affronted when they're trying to help us do what we need for ourselves, you know?

SPEAKER_04 42:14

And then can you reinforce like the whole social media thing? Because some people think like just checking on you on social media is okay. Like, man, that's totally not the norm. That should not be normal, nor like it's normal, but it should not be, you know.

SPEAKER_00 42:32

My apologies, are you trying to get me on my social media?

SPEAKER_04 42:35

Yeah, social media is really causing a lot of problems that people do not see. I'm 30 years old, so I social media I saw when we didn't have this. I saw what it was like as a child when we didn't have this. And then to see now is just like, wow, I'm looking at the way everybody's changing, how they talk now, how the kids don't communicate, and ultimately the kids are the next generation. So if we don't teach them or talk to them about certain things, they won't even care.

SPEAKER_01 43:09

I mean, I've become a curmudgeon because I'm a anti-social media activist, and I always get beat up about this, and and I try to explain. It's not that I hate the technology. I'm one of those guys, I'm a nerd. I grew up building computers, I love technology, but with that understanding, I also understand this. This is something from Star Trek, but technology is not, it's neutral, it's how it's used. And I watch people, yes, and that's my thing. Right now I'm watching people use it in such a negative fashion. So technology's not bad, it's just the way that it's being implemented. And it's hard sometimes when you're when you're not able to look from from outside of yourself to say, hey, you know what? They got me this time. I fell in for the trap. I'm in there. And people, I mean, and you gotta imagine too, it's it's such a great crutch for simulating real life, but it's never better than real life. It's not, it just it's never is, in my opinion.

SPEAKER_00 44:13

But so I I do want to address to my you mentioned like being checked on through social media. You know, I so since I I I take a break all week, Monday through Friday, about till all day, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and then Friday until about five, I am not on social media for my own mental health, right? But since it's a tool, and since sometimes we have to meet folks where they are, some of the people in my circle, their comfort level right now, based on where they are, is to maybe DM me and say, Hey, how are you? or DM me and send like a a supportive kind of meme they saw or something funny, you know? So with that being said, that can't, yes, people can check in with you in that way. I think it's up to us. And another thing on my list is uh is about setting boundaries. So I think if you're comfortable with folks checking in that way and that y'all have established that and your boundaries with that are working for you, then sure. But if you've got other folks who, you know, y'all, y'all, y'all have established that a phone call check-in is what's needed based on y'all's relationship and what your needs are, or a FaceTime, or even face to face now that we can kind of do that more comfortably. So social media is a tool. Social media can be used in a way that brings that can bring people closer in some ways. Like, you know, I've got a one of my best friends lives in France right now, and it's not feasible. We're we're like six hours apart, so it's not always feasible for us to talk on the phone or FaceTime, but we message on television. Telegram all the time. And that's just what works for both of our lives. We're both mothers, we're both, we're six hours apart, but we're always messaging on Telegram. So that's kind of where our boundaries are and what we can do, you know? So it just depends. It really does. But I think using social media as a crutch and as maybe the only check-in if there are other options and you're needing other options to connect with that person, then you're kind of getting into some, you know, maybe needing to reset boundaries or just kind of decide what else that relationship needs to look like. So yeah, but no matter how you do it, no matter how you're connecting, making sure that you are thinking about who is in your circle and that they can help you stay positive and on track with, you know, some of the things we've talked about.

SPEAKER_04 46:29

So yeah, I like that you said resetting boundaries because some people don't understand that or what this entail totally. Like, okay, I told this person not to call me before 11 a.m. Like, go deeper into setting your boundaries. Like you said, you don't get on social media Monday through Friday, I mean Monday to Thursday. So like really make a commitment with yourself and discipline your mind. I like that.

SPEAKER_00 46:55

Yep. So that's in on my list too, like I said, is set boundaries and we're kind of rolling into that. So for me, it yeah, you know, slow, y'all. We got this logo. So for me, this is okay. So I'm I'm the kind of person that if you ask me for help, if if it means you get like under my jacket with me, I'm helping you. I don't care. That's how I am, right? But that has meant for me that I got to figure out my boundaries with that. Because, say, you ask me for help every single day to get under my jacket. But even after I've shown you, hey, the jackets are right here. Go ahead and get a jacket, but you still want to get under my jacket, and we're both freezing when you can get your own jacket. Okay, whoa, something's up. So then I got to reset boundaries. So it took me some years. I'm still working on that actually, like just not exerting myself, not overextending myself.

SPEAKER_04 47:48

It is hard. You paraphrased that though. You paraphrase that beautifully, like, yeah, listen. Hey, we're not both going to be cold over here. And I'm thinking to myself, like, I hate being cold. I'm anemic. Like, oh my God.

SPEAKER_01 48:03

That is right. Oh, that's right.

SPEAKER_00 48:08

So setting boundaries in all settings, even in my private or even in my practice as a therapist, my the boundary I'm working on with myself is not overbooking myself. Because I feel like if a family or a teen or child comes to me and needs help, I'm gonna help them. I'm not turning you away. But my boundary now is like, okay, quickly let's remember the tools we talked about last time. Quickly, let's say, hey, how have you practiced them? Okay, it didn't work. Okay, what about this tool? What about that? You gotta practice this, you gotta try that. So the so it's not all back on me to try to save them, but it gets put put back on them as my boundary for them to remember the tools, the jacket. I hey, there's jackets over there, go get one, you know? Um, and so that's just an example of how it how it kind of keeps showing up in my own life. But letting your no's be no and your yeses be yes, yeah, that is probably that's one of the biggest things that I think people have uh should should get into the practice of for their own mental health. It's it's hard right now not to feel overloaded with the news. Kids in school right now, like the kids coming to me in crisis at both of my schools right now is is really high because of the pressures of schoolwork. They for some reason assignments have increased. We're in a pandemic, y'all, by the way. I don't know if y'all knew this, but classroom assignments have seemed to increase, expectations have not changed. It's like they are not getting breathing room, you know?

SPEAKER_01 49:35

Do you think it's because there's no there's no gap anymore? Like there's no home and away, like there's no home and school anymore. It's all the same.

SPEAKER_00 49:43

Yeah, it's it's it's that's that's another little bit of a powder keg, you know, is is just trying to help these kids through our education system, which I believe is broken in a lot of ways, but that's another topic. And yeah, the gap between home and school and just what it's it's just it really is a mess right now. And so setting boundaries for a lot of my kids has been difficult because a lot of them are saying to teachers and admin, hey, I'm tired. I can't, I've got all these assignments, I've got all these expectations, and I'm just trying to get through the day. I I can't, I can't.

SPEAKER_03 50:17

And how old are they?

SPEAKER_00 50:18

Like I I work with kids from five to fourteen. So it's elementary, yeah, middle school. So a lot of times it gets tricky with helping them set boundaries and advocate and speak up for themselves, which you know that's that's something we work through and we collaborate with and we work as a team with teachers and provide all the supports that can reasonably be provided. But setting boundaries and at least teaching them that they do have the right to speak up for what they feel like they can and can't handle, that's important. So even from that age, boundary setting is paramount. So yeah, that's a big one. That's the thing.

SPEAKER_04 50:51

That just makes me think about a kid saying that they're tired. I usually don't hear a kid saying that. You know, you hear an adult say that, but with the school system, we're forcing them to be like, you know, college, because I didn't really start doing stuff on a computer, so I was in college, you know. Right. I'm a 90s baby, but like grow up faster, they don't have that area to decompress anymore. You know, kids, right? I used to sleep in.

unknown 51:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 51:16

Yeah, they're I I agree with that. And that's a that's a weird thing for that for that for this new generation to deal with. They have to jump straight into technology immediately. It has to be used. And I remember this being explained to me one time by somebody who was older than me when I was in high school about work and them not wanting to take the work cell phone from their from their employer because they said, as soon as I take this work cell phone from my employer, I'll no longer have the ability to cut work off once I leave. He said that would be the end of that. I'll be I'll be basically forced to work 24-7. It's like a tether. Oh no. And this was years ago. So I'm thinking about this now, and I'm like, these children have cell phones, they have laptops and tablets. Yep. They're like this 30-something-year-old, 38 to 40-year-old person who worked for a corporate, corporate company, and they're being given it given the same amount of responsibility and expectation, but they're eight, nine years old. Yeah, that's not fair. That's not fair.

SPEAKER_04 52:21

Exactly. Um that's a great example to monitor your kids, you know, how much they're on a tablet or screen time.

SPEAKER_00 52:30

Yes, absolutely. There, you know, there are parental settings. I have an iPhone, and a few years ago, my youngest sibling lived with Mike and me, and we had settings on his phone where I think it was after nine o'clock, everything shut off except for his nighttime music, and maybe, you know, we didn't cut off his access to phone calls because he could still call family and stuff like that if he wanted. But yeah, you can go in the in a parental settings and and set all that up. But I do highly recommend that because of course we know this is this is not new information that social media and the internet and all that just opens kids up to a world that a lot of times they're not developmentally ready for. Um there's stuff on there that like as adults we should like we gotta like kind of check ourselves about because it's just a whole world of information that some kids are not ready for, and there's safety issues and safety concerns. And we're still, we're still talking about boundaries right now, are we not? All right. So, yes, I yes, I am 100% an advocate of like setting those limitations and boundaries on kids' technology. But when parents ask me that, I really try to help them to set up what their comfort level is. My number one thing for parents when we're having that conversation is safety, you know. You don't want you don't want your kid in elementary school in an online friendship or relationship with someone who is an adult or even someone who's a teen. Like that to me is not appropriate, of course. It's a safety issue. But beyond that, parents, you know, I kind of work with them on what their comfort level is and and where they are with that. But I I do advocate for boundaries and limitations just so yeah.

SPEAKER_04 54:09

There's so many like side sites and oh yeah, like yeah, I'm like, oh my goodness, like I've never heard of this.

SPEAKER_01 54:16

Like they know though. They know they'll find us.

SPEAKER_04 54:23

And I'm like, oh my goodness. Yep. I mean, it's it's a little bit more.

SPEAKER_01 54:27

Do you think that it's too adult of an avenue for these young folks? Because like people don't realize I was hanging out with um my fiance's niece, and she was telling us about the stuff that she was seeing online and all these things. And she was explaining this stuff to us, and I just thought, you know, this is uh, you know, young kids, she's just playing around. These things ain't real, right? So I went and I looked them up with her and stuff, and all these things was real. They were all real things. Everybody just thought she was bugging out, right? She's being a kid, bugging out, making up fake, you know, like how kids, you know, have imaginary friends. No, all this stuff is real, there's stuff that exists, and I just started thinking, man, back in the day, these have just been imaginary friends. Now, these are real people, entities, things that exist, etc. And as a as a seven, eight-year-old, they up here dealing with it.

SPEAKER_02 55:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 55:14

And um I I just it's a it's like I said, it's something new for them to deal with. It's something that I think we're gonna have to learn with them to absolutely, yeah. Because this is something I we don't have any precedent for.

SPEAKER_04 55:26

Yeah, because when technology first came out, they taught us about how good it was and the pros. Nobody said anything about a con. There was no book, no manual, nothing. They didn't say you were gonna get looking at a screen 30 hours a day, and it's 24 hours in a day. They didn't tell you all that. They didn't tell you any of this. And we still don't practice it, you know. So it's like how are we being better? How are we becoming better?

SPEAKER_02 56:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 56:07

So I think our our conversation here really to me reinforces how important boundaries are in every all aspects, whether it's between people, boundaries for ourselves, boundaries on social media, boundaries, boundaries, boundaries, and then figuring out what those are for you so that you have as much joy as you can have, because we're going back to that. You have like the maximum level of capacity within yourself, positivity, and all these things that we really do need to get through these crazy times. Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries.

SPEAKER_04 56:39

If I knew how to set boundaries as an elementary school, I would be a beast right now.

SPEAKER_00 56:45

Listen, the ones that that I I'm working on, the ones I got, and we'll see what they do in the next 15, 20 years. That's amazing.

SPEAKER_01 56:53

No, seriously, because they're gonna be so amazing with those with those tools. Like those tools are gonna make such a difference for them.

SPEAKER_00 56:59

They're gonna be more my fingers are crossed.

SPEAKER_01 57:02

It will work out, you know, it will work out.

SPEAKER_00 57:04

I know what so the the the next I guess the next thing that I wanted to share, two more things. Well, actually three. Movement's important, dancing, yoga, you've talked about, just being playing when you can, being silly, just being active, getting out of your just getting out of your mental space and being physically active. And then moving into that is some some grounding. So if y'all were comfortable with this, I kind of wanted to talk through and share. And if you want to practice it now, share a grounding technique. It's just called a 5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique, something that I do for myself almost on the daily. Have y'all heard of it? 5-4-3-21 grounding.

SPEAKER_04 57:42

I've heard of grounding, but I don't think in particular what you're talking about.

SPEAKER_00 57:47

Okay. So grounding, of course, is a is a way that we just like come back to the present moment, like we've talked about before. Some people ground with an object. So like some people will like hold a rock or a stone or you know, just something that gets them out of their out of their thoughts and just back to their present body. So, of course, you know, if I'm in session and I'm working through trauma with someone and afterwards I'm still it's still sitting on me, I'm not gonna be very useful to the next person if I'm still trying to get what what they've left, you know, I've I've got to get it off of me somehow. And so one of the one of the ways I do that is by grounding. So one of my favorite grounding techniques, like I said, it's the five, four, three, two, one technique. You can do this anywhere, anytime. This is free. So when you're doing this technique, I always recommend if you're going to do grounding to just get your breath ready, you know. So if you want to do the four, seven, eight, if you want to do the five, five, six, so you're gonna breathe in.

SPEAKER_02 58:46

And then hold it.

SPEAKER_00 58:50

And then exhale. So when you breathe in, you always want to breathe in like you're smelling a rose or a fl your favorite flower, and then you wanna breathe out like you're blowing out birthday candles.

SPEAKER_04 59:02

Yes, through your mouth. So when I'm doing yoga, I'm teaching it, I say inhale, fill your belly up. Yep. And then exhale throughout your mouth. Because some people exhale throughout their nose, but I'm like, it's more releasing tension and feelings throughout your mouth.

SPEAKER_00 59:23

And so do that, I would say do that a few times. And then so the technique is five. What are five things you see? And so you actually you're you're continuing with your your body feeling breath and you're looking around, and you're actually either verbalizing if you want, or either thinking about, okay, what are five things I see? And you're looking around. And even if you want to, you can describe a few of those things. Like in front of me, you know, I see my notebook. It's got white pages, it's got black words on it because the pen I used was black. I see my pen, it's pink and white. And you just name five things you can see. And like I said, all the while you're doing your deep breathing. And then four. Four things you can feel. So you notice the sensation of the clothes on your body. If you're sitting in a seat, notice the seat on your bottom. If your feet are on the floor, you can notice your socks and shoes. You can notice, you can even notice the air coming in through your nostrils if you want. And then three things you can hear. So pay attention to the sounds around you, especially if you're doing this outside in the sun. This is the perfect time to be in the sun if you can. Listen to the birds. Right now I hear rain outside my window. I hear my voice, I hear my breath. You might hear the trees, like the wind blowing in the trees. You might hear if you're doing it in class, you might hear like, you know, your peers talking or your teacher talking. And then it's two, two things you can smell. I can smell my coffee. It smells really good, actually. Try to see if I can smell anything else, but that's just it. So I'll say, I smell my coffee beans and the water that made it. That's the two things. And then one thing you can taste. I taste my coffee in my mouth. And so 54321. Now, sometimes depending on your setting, maybe you'll mix them up. Maybe you'll you'll you'll do like one thing you can hear, because maybe if you're in a quiet, quiet space and really literally you can't really hear a lot, so you can shuffle them around. It does not have to be those particular senses, but just pulling yourself back to your senses, back to the present moment, back to what is and not what if, back to where you are in this space and this time. That is one of my favorite grounding techniques. And there are plenty of others. You can Google grounding and it you'll come up with a myriad of things. But I just wanted to share one of my favorites and one that I do just about every day, um, especially at work after a session. I really have to bring myself back to the present moment, like I said, to be able to help the next person. And again, that's free. You can use your five senses freely for now. So, and even folks who are maybe have an impairment, or maybe there's a sense that they cannot easily use or readily use, or for any anything like that, you can just adapt this however you want. Or you can try some other grounding techniques, you know, that might work for you. But just that that one works for me and helps me. I actually did just help me just now.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:26

You can kind of feel the I like that one.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:29

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:30

We're gonna record you um going through that again.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:37

Your voice is sounding so calm, calming. Yeah, so calming. Yeah, listen, I just I really put my therapist head on with that one. Y'all, y'all just got a little bit of a free session. Uh-huh. Thank you. Y'all, let's do it.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:54

So, yeah, grounding. My screensaver is it's happiness chemicals and how to hack them. So it talks about dopamine and serotonin. I don't even know how I came across this. I think it was Instagram, weirdly. But of course I screenshot it and saved it on my um on my phone because it's like, all right, I need to see this every second of the day. And you know, sometimes you have a picture of yourself or your kids or something that inspires you as your screensaver or your your phone cover. So I can talk about some of them. So it's oxytocin is playing with a dog, playing with a baby, holding hands, hugging your family, or giving a compliment. And then we have dopamine is uh completing a task, doing self-care activities, eating food, and celebrating little wins. And then for serotonin, meditation, running, sun exposure, walking in nature, swimming or cycling. And then for endorphin, you have laughter, exercise, essential oils, watching a comedy, dark chocolate, and and yeah, that's all of them.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:07

That's perfect. And we actually talked about several of those today, didn't we? Right. And I love how you brought just that like very much chemical balance, like just what our body, like our bodies, like I said, have the capacity to heal themselves. We just don't always know how and what that looks like, and even if we're worthy or deserve healing, which we do. So that was perfect. How you just brought that back around. Yes, yes, that's good. That's really good. Again, like you're saying earlier, flow. Flow is nice. I need that. I need that list. Maybe I can take that into my practice so folks kind of can see different activities and things they can do for what they need. Like we we can and have the capacity. So that's good. Y'all gonna have to get me that afterwards. That list. Yeah, I'll send it to us.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:52

It's like how how I think it's crazy how we don't have resources available to help people through this COVID situation. It's a year in, year and a half in, and we still don't have resources available for people to seek help. Right.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:08

And there, and so there are some. I think the issue with a lot of things being on the internet is just a lot of times it's not centralized. A lot of times, you know, it's just not central. And then if it is, folks don't always know where to find it, how to get it, who has the information, who has the better information. I think last time I was the last time I was on, I mentioned psychology today is like a really easy way to find a therapist locally. Psychology today can also be the jumping off point for for mental health topics and resources and things that you need. NAMI, South Carolina is also a good resource.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:45

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:46

So NAMI, so it's the National Alliance on Mental Illness. They have, I think they're called either chapters or groups, I'm not sure, but in just about every state, they're national. They have resources where you can go and figure out like how to do these, some of these coping skills, where to find a therapist, what to do for XYZ. So NAMI's a good one. Psychology today is a good one. And then of course, there's always local therapists. I talked about a few last time. Brighter Pathways is a local, a local therapist's office. True Serenity SC, I inspire therapy. Three, and I always I I like to be very intentional about resources that I provide and who I send folks to, because unfortunately, sometimes therapists can do more damage than harm. It just depends. Like that can happen. I'm not gonna be like, oh, go see your therapist. And and if they're doing you harm, you know, you might want to discontinue that relationship and find somebody who is going to meet you where you are and help you on your journey. You know, like you you got to find who fits. The folks that I recommend, I feel like some of them I've come up the ranks with, some of them I consider mentors. And so I'm very intentional and I know that they will help on your journey. And if they can't, they are more than happy to help you figure out who is the best person for you. You know, they're they're they're gonna do their best not to cause any harm and to make your healing journey what it needs to be for you. So yeah, there are resources. It's just a matter of parsing through like the the legit ones and parsing through what is gonna work for you. It's all a journey, it's all a part of the journey to really figure that out. But my I would say start the journey, like start to figure out and find. Yes, find what will work for you. And don't give up on your journey and on your path. Like, don't, you know, if you if you're any of the tools we talked about, if it doesn't work for you, these are all tools. You've got you can build a toolbox, you can look in and say, Okay, this didn't work today. What else do I have? Let me keep trying until I figure out what's gonna work. And so yeah. Yeah, there I again psychology today, start there and kind of see what resources, NAMI, South Carolina, and then there's others, but at least start with those two and then just really dig in and see what is going to work for you and what you can find locally. South Carolina Department of Mental Health, I cannot speak for all of the counties, of course, but I I know that at least Lexington and Richland counties are also resources. You know, I I I would say it's at least start there. And if if what's being offered there, right. If if what's being offered there is not a good fit, you've started somewhere. Just keep on your journey. But our local uh Department of Mental Health offices are at least resources in place where you can start if what they offer is not for you.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:32

So yeah. Excellent. Excellent. Do you have any other points that you'd like to hit on today, Mila?

SPEAKER_03 1:08:41

Who that is a loaded question, sir.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:47

That's horrible. That's my I'm bad for that. But yes, I mean, I don't I love talking. I keep talking, y'all. Right.

SPEAKER_04 1:08:54

I'm enjoying this. I'm sitting there in my journal, so I'm like, um, I can go all day.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:59

We can do another episode, we can conversate in between episodes, like for the sake of keeping it succinct, because I I was very intentional about intentional about my lesson, trying to share things that I felt like would be helpful for what's going on in in this moment or for mental health awareness month. So, yes, while there are other things I I did think about and kind of made notes about, I think I really feel like what we've talked about and shared is what needed to be said for the most part, you know? Yeah. So and I guess the final thing I'll say is if if folks find that they, for whatever reason, are not able to practice any of these and they're they're you know, their their daily life is being just so impacted and so disrupted and so where they can't even function, get out of bed, where they can't get through a work day without panicking or just having breakdowns. I would say to actually get help. A lot of the things I shared, it's more that it was more maintenance, you know, once you get to a stable place where you can start to practice these things for folks that are like, yeah, I hear what you're saying, but I'm not there. Like, I I I can't get out of bed. So how am I supposed to move and do yoga and dance and clean my space? I can't get out of bed. I'm sorry. You know. So I would say to immediately skip everything I've said before and actually get help. You can practice them as best as you can, yes, but actually get help. Lean, ask your support team for help, go on psychology today, brighter pathways, true serenity SC, I inspire therapy, and actually seek out a therapist who can help to get you started on this journey. If what's going on has been so heavy and so upsetting and has really impacted your mental health to the point where, like I said, these things aren't happening. Like the the tools I've offered, you cannot do them because of the level of mental distress that you're under. That is the point where a therapist is needed. And even before that, you don't even have to get to that point before you need a therapist, you know, like a therapist can help you through a lot of different things. But I am saying if these tools can't even be practiced to seek help and then get that foundation built, and then you can start doing some of these practices and maintain them as best as you can every day. So yeah, I think the final thing is like these some of these things can feel like a band-aid over a wound. And until you address that wound and clean it out and actually, you know, put your needosporin on it and stitch it up and everything that needs to happen, that wound's gonna keep festering, you know? Yeah. So addressing that wound, whatever that is, that that is what it would need to happen, so that some of these quote unquote band-aids can actually continue to help with the healing process. So yeah, I think that would maybe that's my final thought. And I think that I think that's it. Any questions though? Because we said a lot of stuff, y'all. Y'all got questions?

SPEAKER_01 1:11:54

And you know, I I did have one question, and this is interesting because not just dealing with like personal ever like personal every everyday, day-to-day mental health, but dealing with this current situation that we're in and being in a house or in a relationship that is not fostering positivity or good balance or support, do you think that using these tools, do you think you should use try to use the tools, of course? And if the tools aren't working, if there are two people involved in the situation, should should they how would you go about helping to to to help? I guess you're saying, how would you make it so that the the situation between two individuals isn't a toxic one? Because I know part of the issue nowadays, and we were talking about this with some of those earlier points you were making, being able to get outside the house, go places, see people. When you're just with one person all the time, sometimes that stress between like the things that you deal with, they everything blows up. Everything, every single time. Do you have any pointers on the relationship aspect? Because I know one of the statistics that have been put out has been the massive divorce rate that has occurred during this pandemic and the effect on domestic violence, domestic abuse, those things, and I know we still have time because I said I talk all day, but you don't have to rush on your answer on this. But are there any resources that you would have for that? Any pointers or or tips that our listeners may want to hear who may be in those positions, may be dealing with that stuff, have tried to do certain things, and they just can't seem to find a way from their own toolbox that they have to get out of that cycle. Because usually it's it's because there's a cycle of of behaviors that leads to those those um issues.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:50

So I I I I want to be careful about how I word this. My perspective is if someone is actively using these tools to do what they need to do for themselves and they're setting boundaries, and what they are trying to do as best as they can is not working and is also not being honored by their partner, I guess from a therapeutic standpoint, I would recommend couples counseling. I would recommend if it is at all possible, and I know this is not feasible for some folks exiting that relationship, if if that level of toxicity is there and there does not seem to be a remedy for it, the person's not honoring boundaries, the person is not helping, like we are all going through a pandemic. The last thing you want to do is have the person in your life feeling even worse than they already do. But if that is consistently going on, if counseling is feasible, do it. If it's not, and there's a level of violence, there is a level of just consistent physical or emotional or even sexual abuse going on, and there is a means to exit that relationship, that is ultimately typically, and and I'm kind of taking my therapist hat off here because I don't want to overstep and dis disregard anything that can be worked through and counseling, because some things can, obviously, right? Or else I would not be doing what I'm doing. But if it's to the if it's to the level of of violence and these consistent patterns of abuse, I ultimately, from my perspective, encourage people to separate and reset and and get away from that situation. I know like you ask about resources. The first place I thought about was sister care. And I know like a lot of folk, yeah, a lot of folks know like their work and know what they do as far as with domestic violence and things like that. So I would absolutely encourage people who find themselves in that situation and who cannot get away and whose boundaries are consistently being disregarded to reach out to sister care and really ask about the resources they have, whether that's shelter, whether that's counseling through them, whether that's, you know, just providing other resources that might be needed. So yeah, I I don't encourage anybody to stay in in situations like that, at least asking for help or getting out of them if you can to reassess and reevaluate and to keep yourself safe. Safety is number one of the number one things I I really press in my therapy sessions. And so yeah, safety is number one. And as soon as you can get safe, if you need to reassess and figure out how to how to mend or heal, or if there does need to be an ultimate separation, then you can do it from there. But yeah, you're right. Those, I think South Carolina has consistently been really high. I think so at some points we're like one of we're like the number one state, we're like top three, top five all the time for domestic violence.

SPEAKER_02 1:16:41

And yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:43

Yeah, like really violence against females. Mm-hmm. Violence against femmes, violence against women. I mean, it's just like, yeah, we're pretty high. It's very upsetting, actually. But yeah, I don't, I I can't, I would never encourage somebody to stay in a situation like that.

SPEAKER_01 1:17:00

That's why I just had to ask that question because I know the state that we're in. And I've like I said, reading and and going through different journal articles on things people have dealing been dealing with during this pandemic. That's one of the ones that that keeps popping up. And I was like, okay, but it's something that no one ever wants to talk about. So I had to bring up that question to you just to just to get some kind of um understanding on that, at least a point of view from professionals. So I appreciate that. Yeah, that's something that's hard to deal with because in relationships, usually you'll sometimes you'll have children involved and et cetera. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:31

And it's hard for which that makes it harder to leave and harder to you know figure out, okay, how do I get me and and everybody safe? What do I do? How does how does how can this look afterwards, you know? So yeah, it is tricky, but I would say safety, if you keep safety as your number one that, and then go from there and reach out to sister care and other maybe other places that can help. That's just the first one that comes to my mind, you know. But yeah, safety's number one. And then if you want to say if you want to heal and do some therapy and all that afterwards, great, go for it. But your safety is priority. So it's safe first. Yep. Oh man. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 1:18:08

Excellent, excellent. Well, Ms. Allen, is there anything else you'd like to add to the conversation before well?

SPEAKER_04 1:18:15

No, I just wanted to say that at first I wanted to pick Mike's brain, but now I want to pick Mila's brain.

SPEAKER_02 1:18:21

So we have to do this again.

SPEAKER_04 1:18:23

We have to do this again.

SPEAKER_00 1:18:25

I am down. Yes, I agree. For sure.

SPEAKER_01 1:18:30

I like to hear it. I like to hear that.

SPEAKER_04 1:18:33

Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 1:18:34

So we will have to do this again. We'll get back together. Probably, I mean, we we can see if we can pop up another one of these episodes sometime in the month of May, more than likely, because it'll make more sense. But we had to do this one this week because it's it was as if like it was like the world was trying to blow up. Yeah, it wasn't even just here, just internationally, because I pay attention to all these outlets. And it was like, this was the week to get stuff busy. It was like they ready, like then people had this stuff set up. So it was great to have this conversation. Yeah, seriously, like it was great to have this conversation because I've been dealing with a lot of this stuff by myself, and in the sense of having this information on my mind and feeling as if I'm going insane because I'm like, it's gotta be fake. Like it felt like it was some somebody was writing a TV script and it was the end of the season, not the season finale. They try to draw up all the drama so they can get you to come next.

SPEAKER_03 1:19:27

That's a good analogy. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 1:19:30

That's what this felt like. So, but just on the way out, man, I want to give thanks to my co-host, Tamaya Allen, and our guest, Mila Burgess Conway, for joining us today for this very necessary special episode of the Hilltop Glove Podcast. I know that May is mental health awareness month, and I want this episode to be a tool leading into the month of May to prepare and allow us to move in peace and joy for the rest of the year and more than likely our lives. Let us be present and aware of our blessings and things that we can be grateful for. And again, I want to thank you all for listening. Peace. That's it for today's episode of the Hilltop Glove Podcast. Make sure to subscribe to us on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, and other platforms. Also follow us on Instagram and Facebook at Hilltop Glove.