SPEAKER_00 1:45

Hey everyone, and welcome to another episode of the Hilltop Glodcast. Today we have the pleasure of speaking with Miss Ebony Kaywood. Ebony is a Raleigh, North Carolina born and raised educator, mother, and owner of Affirm Kid. She is the vice president of People and Culture at a local ed tech company where she leads the company's hiring and expansion department to include a diverse and inclusive workforce. She attended Meredith College, a liberal arts college in Raleigh, and in 2021, she started her business, a firm kid, which specializes in affirmation cards, bundles, and artwork for kids. Thank you for joining us today. How are you?

SPEAKER_01 2:24

I am great. I'm excited to be here and talk to you all. So yes, I'm doing great.

SPEAKER_00 2:29

But thank you so much for waking up this morning and you're clearly family.

SPEAKER_06 2:34

So thank you so much.

SPEAKER_00 2:37

Uh we also have uh DJ and what and Mike on the line, so they'll be chiming in too. So can you tell the people a little bit about yourself and how did you get to where you are?

SPEAKER_01 2:49

Sure. So one thing I like to tell people about my path is it makes no sense. So when I talk about it, I prepare people for, you know, it's not a linear path and it's a what I call a road less traveled. So, you know, I've always wanted to be yeah, I've always wanted to be an educator. I grew up around educators. My grandmother was a teacher, my aunt was a teacher, all of them in South Carolina growing up going to spend time with them in the summers and helping them in their classrooms, and my mom's sister is a teacher. So my dad's dad's sister was a teacher, my mom's sister was a teacher, my grandma's a teacher. I'm constantly around educators. Like I just wanted to be a teacher and did follow that path. I mean, I think one thing about me is if I know I want to do something, I'm gonna stay on that. And so everybody knew I was going to eventually be a teacher. And I did that, went to school, got a teaching scholarship to be a teacher, and and you know, the pays for some of my college, you know, followed that path, became a teacher, taught elementary school, I taught fifth grade for a few years, then transitioned to being assistant principal. So, you know, kind of got into it and then just one of those things where you get into something and you just figure out how to kind of maximize that path. And so was assistant principal, but then just decided that I wanted to do something different and had the unique opportunity of, which I always share this because it is important in my path that parents at a school that I where I was assistant principal, they had just started a business and actually left to go work for them as they were starting a business. And, you know, their my relationship with them is pretty critical to my path and where I went because they saw something in me that I didn't see in myself. And so I left education to go work in an industry that I knew nothing about. And one thing the husband said to me is that you are coachable and I can teach you, I can teach you all of these things, but the things that you already have, I can't teach people. And so I left there to start a career in security industry and stayed in that space for 10 years, actually. So started in operations, being over coordinating operations to moving into being over a director over professional services, which is like engineers. I managed a team of engineers, then took over managing a training for the company, which again, even in that story, when I started, it was 30 of us. When I left the company, the company was 400 and some thousand people. So I went, I stayed through mergers and acquisitions, obviously. I wasn't like organic growth, but learned a lot and was exposed to a lot over that time. But you know, those 10 years is pretty much where I grew up and really learned who I was. So I always like to share that, you know, sometimes it just takes somebody betting on you to give you the opportunity to really see that you can do anything. And it's funny, I was reading a book the other day and it was like, I can do anything, but I can't do everything. And I like wrote that down out of the book I was doing the other day. Right. It's so good, right? Like I can do anything, but I can't do everything. And it's a book called The Happiness Project I'm reading right now by Gretchen Rubin. And I like wrote that down because that resonated with me. Because someone knows we can do the thing, but we also can't do everything. So that's one thing I feel like I can do like almost anything, but you know, I don't want to be a doctor, but I feel like if I could figure it out. So but yeah, so like that's kind of my path. And then last year, in the middle of a pandemic, like I just I was at my company and just felt like I was being pulled to kind of make a big change. Personally, I also went through divorce in 2020. So like when people talk about 2020, I'm like, let's come here and let's let's size up paperwork here. Cause 2020 was rough, but like, did you do these things in 2020? Because we had a pandemic going on, but I was also navigating a lot of personal things too. So after 2020, I was like, I just feel like I needed to, my word for 2021 was is rest was restoration. I pick a word of the year every year. And in that, I just decided like my divorce was final in 2020. Like 2021, I just need to just revamp some things and you know, decided to kind of jump into the job force, see what's there, recognizing that, you know, I can do anything and you know, knew kind of what path I wanted and took a chance on myself and started applying and interviewing for new jobs. And, you know, my goal was to be a VP, but that was more of a five-year goal, and I did it that year. So yeah, that's kind of where I am. Uh VP of people and culture for a company now, and I love my job. It's definitely intense. So basically, for people that don't know, people and culture is kind of the new term for HR. So I'm a vice president of HR for a company, a tech company.

SPEAKER_03 7:33

Oh, is that what that is? Yeah, that is interesting.

SPEAKER_00 7:36

Language. I was literally looking at the article and I'm like, all right, that sounds like HR, but I'm not.

SPEAKER_01 7:42

So that's pretty much what so people and culture is kind of the new term for HR. Because again, so if you think about HR, well, traditionally, it's what, like payroll and benefits. That's what you think about. Like, or I don't want to go talk to HR, right? Every HR has a connotation, just the semantics of HR usually makes people very uncomfortable. And so a lot of companies, like if you start now, you guys will probably go back and look at if you start looking at job postings and things, companies have transitioned to language to to focus on the people, because right, without the people, the human capital, you can't do much and the culture of the company. And so a lot of companies have either like now you'll see people operations, people and culture, or like so. My you know, goal is to be a chief people officer or chief people and culture officer for a company. So, like, that's kind of the C-suite level of the same thing. But traditionally, it is HR, it's just expanded because people require more now than just Well, we don't like being called resources anymore. Yeah, right, right. I mean, because it's bigger than that. Like, without the people, I mean, look right now, everybody, the great resignation is happening right now. Like everything is rounded around it. And people are leaving jobs because they're not happy about their job, their space, the culture, their work-life balance, they're being valued and respected. Nobody thought about talked about that stuff before, but now people recognize the importance of I don't want to work in a toxic environment and be stuck at the house all day in the pandemic. Like I don't want to be miserable all day at work and then have to be home and miserable, possibly too, or stuck in the house. So, but that's a lie. One other important thing about my background is I do have an amazing four-year-old daughter who I love dearly, Emery. And so she is key to a lot of the other things and very key to most of the decisions that I've made in the last four years as well.

SPEAKER_06 9:35

So excellent, excellent.

SPEAKER_00 9:37

You have a beautiful story. I love the fact that you said that you're cultureable. Obviously, being a teacher, you you gained a lot of experience. So, what field would you say tested you the most? Being an educator or working the tech company?

SPEAKER_01 9:55

Listen, I don't even know. That is a good question. But, you know, I think for me, I can't say what tested me the most. What I will say is that each of them had challenges that changed me the most, right? Not necessarily tested me, but like being an educator opened my mind to like I want to teach and I want to have impact in the education space. But I don't want to be in the classroom, right? And so what I didn't share is that I opened a charter school in the middle of all this as well. So yeah, so in 20, well, in 2015, I started worked with a friend and I, old co-worker and I worked together, decided that we wanted to start a charter school and got a group on board, got a board on board. And so 2015, and then we opened a school um with about 600 children, 1,800 on the wait list. Every year still had wait lists, but opened a brand new K through seventh grade charter school in Johnson County, which is right outside of Wake County, which is where Raleigh is, an area called Clayton, North Carolina, opened that school in 2018. And so for me, it was like that. I I found that like for me, not just mentally, but also just financially, why is like being in the classroom was not going to bid me well financially. And even moving the path of being an assistant principal or whatever, like for me to be where I want to be financially, I would have to be superintendent. Like, that's just weird number one. So looking at that, like looking at my path, it's like I can I can still have impact. And I think that's the thing that's important for people, like you can still have impact in a space without being directly in the space, right? So I don't have to be in the classroom. I was having a bigger impact of because I eventually ended up being the board chair of of the charter school. So I managed the board, the, the, you know, 501c, all of that. And my impact was across the, you know, a bigger building, right? So I wasn't just impacting a classroom as I was before, it started to broaden. And so that was my thing is that I want to impact education. You know, I always try to place myself in spaces or opportunities to either speak or interact with people where I can impact it in education because it is a passion of mine. And I didn't want to like totally disband from education because it is in my heart. And I think that's the cool thing about, you know, even when I was at the tech company, people knew I was a teacher as an educator. So they gave me space to run with that. That's how I ended up being the director of training for the company because, you know, I have my master's in education as well, with a concentration on adult education and training. And so my company there saw that and allowed me to build a training department that was not there before I was. So it's kind of like taking the stuff, right? The challenges in each space. You know, the challenge in education was just in the classroom, is that I just didn't feel like I had the resources, the support, the capacity, right? I mean, I when people talk about my job now, like it's hard, but it's not being in the classroom. That's a whole different level. I have a whole different level of people, I respect teachers on a different level because I did it. Like I was in the trenches too. So when people talk about teaching now, like if you want to talk bad about a teacher and I'm around, you're not gonna like my conversation because it is no joke. Until you have done it, you you don't even understand the level of pressure and workload. Like, I don't do as much work now as a vice president. It's a different type of work, but the feeling of work that I had was so different. And so that's why I said I I can't really say which one tested me the most. They all test me because you know, now I'm in a leadership role. So in your executive role, you're looking at business, you're you have people's livelihood, you know, that you want to make sure people are successful and growing and and feel appreciated and valued. So each has tested me in a different way. I think, you know, the security space is male-dominated, white dominated. That was my challenge there is to say, like, I don't care, and to push through it. So I've moved myself, you know, around in that space to where I was the only minority woman, you know, minority woman and person of color or African-American, Hispanic, whatever, you know, in our leadership at that time. So um, that came with its own uh set of interesting challenges, I'll say that. You can break some of those down if you want. Yeah, I mean, really, you know, one of them is just being being the black woman, right? Most of these white men had never worked with a black woman ever. And so I had to balance trying to be myself, but also being true to myself, being myself, but making sure they understood, like, I'm not playing these games with y'all. Like, I'm not doing this. Like, we're not playing these games. I'm not your, I'm not, I'm not about to be running around like I'm your assistant. Like, I'm on the same level as all of y'all. Because they would do play into that sometimes, like, it's 40 of y'all white men. I'm not the help. So now, so you can go get me some coffee, but I'm not getting you no coffee. Like, you know what I mean? Like, exactly. We're not doing that here. Like, I don't care. So I had to really learn. I mean, honestly, that job taught me how to really, and I hate to say it like be more manly, but like I had to be a bulldog, right? Just more oppressive. It taught me how to be more aggressive, and I had to get away from some of my like emotional and sometimes very like feminine approach to things, it just didn't work there. Yeah, like it works now more in my space where I am now, and that's just a part of like reading the room, right? They they if I'm too subtle and and and passive, they are not going to pay attention to me because most of the men in that space were, you know, they were ego driven. And so until I put my foot down, they really didn't respect me, you know? And so, you know, those were just some of the challenges there of, you know, and also just look with the stuff going on in the world, like they didn't acknowledge any of the racial, racial challenges. They didn't want to acknowledge or talk about it. And I think that's one of the reasons why I felt like that was no longer a safe space for me.

SPEAKER_06 16:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 16:30

Because I can't thrive in a space that doesn't recognize me and who I am. And so I knew like this is this is not my next, right? This is got me to where I needed. I got a you know, had a lot of opportunity. You know, the cool thing there was every job, I had four different positions in those 10 years, everyone was I was the first one in it. It was either created for me or I said there was a need and it was created. So I had a lot of space, growth, opportunity. And still, even financially, like, you know, if you look if when I look at the numbers, like I was hard on myself because I was trying to get to certain, you know, space and time and numbers. And but like overall, it you know, in comparison to people in my age group and just people in general, you know, I was doing pretty well financially as well. So, you know, it gave me a lot of you know, just opportunity to do things and travel and go, but also just bridge a gap, you know, financially. And, you know, I've had rental properties during that time and stuff. And I mean, people that's just not the norm for somebody in their, you know, early 20s or mid-20s, let's just say. So, but yeah, so those those opportunities, and that's what I call them no matter what, there's still opportunities whether it go good or bad. You know, it just taught me what I know I need out of a workspace and place, and from my managers and from my teammates, and the feeling, you know, I think that I got to of like what I deserve and what I'm worthy of, and it applies to not just business, but personal as well. So quick question, Ebony. Who are your parents? My mama and my daddy, my mother, Jacqueline Barron, she's from Planersville, Georgetown. I mean, Plannersville, South Carolina, and my daddy's from Plannersville, South Carolina. So both of them are from that area and grew up there, met in high school, and then moved to North Carolina because my mom went to college here. And my parents, both of, well, my mom is retired. She will probably work in the post office, and my dad actually still works at the post office. So, but both of them are very, you know, they won't both went to college. Both my mom actually started her master's at NC State, and then came me. Decided to to actually be a stay-at-home mom when I was younger. But, you know, both of them are local to me now, which is great.

SPEAKER_06 18:54

That's good.

SPEAKER_01 18:54

And they're really good support here from them. Actually, my mother, when I went through my divorce, and just because of my my previous job, I was traveling a lot. She actually moved in with me. So I built a house here and had a lot more space than I probably needed for just me and Emery. And so I served. She she retired and was traveling a lot and between my sister who's in the military, helping her and during her deployments and stuff. And I'm like, well, this can be like home base, right? If you want like make my house home base. She, you know, has been traveling. She went to Liberia, she's getting ready to go back for a while, and she just she just does her, she's living her best life. I'm just gonna say that. Exactly. Exactly. She's living her best life, and but she's it it's been a blessing to have her here to help me, you know, as I navigate, you know, motherhood and being in a you know, very intense job space too. So but yeah, and my dad, he's he's one of those, he's a he's a math guy, that's what he calls himself. He's super smart and and knows the numbers and can tell you everything about the stocks and made had us reading Reader's Digest when we were 10. So like literally Yeah, we would play games where it's like if you can read this page in Reader's Digest and tell me the definitions, you can have $20. Or he'd be like, If you read this book, I'll give you $20. And it's just like, oh, okay, I can read this book and get $20. Great, I'll do it.

SPEAKER_03 20:20

Incentives.

SPEAKER_01 20:21

So, yeah, so I mean, uh, those are you know type of parents I grew up. They definitely focus on education, and you know, I've uh applied that to my own child where you know I'm very focused on her education, and she's four, but she's a smarty, and that was my plan for her to be very smart and um you know she can read at four, and that was my vision for her. So she's doing it, you know, and it's it again, it's as a teacher, you just know all the challenges that they're gonna have of somebody telling them they're not smart enough and can't do the thing. And so I'm trying to help her deal with those barriers before they come.

SPEAKER_03 20:59

So quick question. I always like because I'm happy that you said the Plannersville part. And of course, you know, we're cousins, and I always always try to tell people about Plannersville. Could you explain to people what Plannersville is like real quick so that they can understand our audience, know where the folk come from?

SPEAKER_01 21:18

I mean listen, I spent a lot most of my summers there and putting my checkouts when I went to year-round school. But Plannersville is like, I don't even know how to describe it. Well, it's in Georgetown, South Carolina. So, like, don't try to go Google Plannersville. Yeah, you don't have to do that, okay? Don't do that. Instead of Google that, you're gonna have to Google Georgetown. You can find Georgetown because that's technically the area that you know, the space they live in. If you see a sign, it will say Plannerville if you travel. But it's in Georgetown, it's near the water. Like I always just grew up telling people my grandparents live in Myrtle Beach because nobody knew anything.

SPEAKER_03 21:52

No one, yeah, you wouldn't be able to get there.

SPEAKER_01 21:54

Where's that?

SPEAKER_03 21:55

Where are you going?

SPEAKER_01 21:56

Yeah. It's like I'm just going to Myrtle Beach because that's where it might work too. But you know, it's a small knit town where like literally everybody knows everybody. And you know, very, very rural, small area. Again, I didn't live there, so I can't I won't talk too much about it. But I I love going to Planersville because it is like a little small, tucked away place where it's just quiet. Yeah. You know, other than when you hear the motorcycles going up and down the street, right?

SPEAKER_03 22:21

Yeah, all the times and everything. Other than that. Other than that, when you turn the lights off at night and go to sleep, it is pitch black. It's so peaceful. Yeah. And I'll when growing up, whenever I would go there, the one thing I always do, and I'm happy you said the thing about the motorcycles, I used to always want to get a motorcycle because of going there and seeing people ride.

SPEAKER_01 22:41

Me too! I still want one. Um, but that was my thing. Like our family, like the all of them rode bikes, and it was like, well, I want to ride bikes too. Like, I want to be able to do that.

SPEAKER_03 22:52

Um, grandma said I couldn't. Girl Mars, she said I couldn't ride no bikes. She said it's too dangerous.

SPEAKER_01 22:57

Yes. Well, I don't think at this point I probably will, but I I've definitely, up until probably having my child, was like, I'm gonna still get a bike. I'm still riding my cousin. Right, right.

SPEAKER_06 23:06

Exactly, exactly.

SPEAKER_01 23:08

But yeah, it's just such a small, it's a small, you know, close-knit family. I mean, most of everybody's family has been there for a long time and then now have just generations of generations there. Still, my grandma's house is still there. She's next door to her, like literally live next door to her sister in law, who next to her sister in law was her daughter. And behind there is her granddaughter. It's like all in that space and you know, so much land and so much rich history there. But, you know, like my favorite thing is like you said, it's pitch black. And like just to stand outside at night and just look at the sky, it's just so quiet and just, you know, it's just one of those, like I said, it's a s Small town. It's no, there's no stoplights. Nah. There's there's some turns. That's it. This is turns. You get into the town into the area, but and it's like two, three main turns off the highway.

SPEAKER_03 23:58

And you gotta know where you're going. You gotta know where you're going.

SPEAKER_01 24:00

And both of my sides, you know, my dad and my mom's family are both there, which is why it's so cool. That's crazy with both sides. And it's even cooler. It's like, so my grandmother, when she was teaching, my my dad's sister, who's my aunt, obviously, and my grandmother taught in the same classroom. So like my grandmother was my assistant teacher to my dad's sister, which was crazy. So I definitely like so connected to them and spent a lot of time with them. But it was cool. It's like I get to spend time with my grandmother and my aunt, you know, whenever I went there. But yeah, I haven't been back much, mainly because the internet is not the greatness, and I need that shit.

SPEAKER_03 24:37

It's rule. When we say rule, it's rule.

SPEAKER_01 24:39

I mean, my hotspot don't even really work. I've I've I've literally got my car and drove to the top of the road to uh communicate with people and try to get a signal.

SPEAKER_07 24:49

So um, where you at Starlink? Huh? Where you at Starlink?

SPEAKER_03 24:55

Yeah, there's no Starlink. You don't know about Starlink. That satellite. Yeah, I don't know about Starlink. We know about that test.

SPEAKER_01 25:01

Check Starlink out or whatever, but whenever I mean my family knows active?

SPEAKER_07 25:05

Is it active? It is somewhat. I know that they dropped a whole bunch into the Ukraine just recently so that they can still get out and get some information that's going on. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 25:16

I need to look into that because well, I mean, I think some people have internet. My grandmother doesn't live there full time. She's between she actually, so my grandmother's 87, and she's pretty much, I think, I guess she's the oldest in our family right now, the oldest living family. That is so she yeah, because all of her yeah, she is. She's the oldest on that side of family. But you know, so she lives here and she comes to we call her, she comes to my house to vacate and have a vacation. So she'll stay with me for a week or two. But she lives with my aunt who lives maybe 30 minutes away. That's where she is full time, and she'll she calls my house her vacation house. So she'll come over.

SPEAKER_03 25:58

Sounds like you're setting yourself up as a hub. You are a hub. I'm about to come up. I gotta come to your hub.

SPEAKER_01 26:04

Come visit, y'all. Please come. I love people visiting. Um I love I love people visiting.

SPEAKER_03 26:08

You haven't set up so well, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 26:10

Yeah, it's nice. So um, yeah, y'all come on through. But but yeah, so that's uh a little bit about Plannersville. Like I said, that's one of those places I looked forward to going to growing up. Like it was like I get to go for my grandparents. And I had such an amazing relationship with my grandfather. You know, I love my grandfather, I love my grandparents in general, like so. I like I never wanted to leave and spend so much, like even just thinking about it, like just like even smells, just remembering just my grandfather was an amazing cook and you know, would cook breakfast and cook everything and fished and did all those things. So so many amazing like memories that I hold on to that are just you know things that we just don't see now.

SPEAKER_06 26:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 26:54

So but yeah. Yeah, different way of life, man. That's why I always like telling people about it because like it's a place you never really hear about, and I know our family's from there. So I always try to tell people, yeah, this is a real place. This is where our folk come from. This is why we act the way we act. We've been trained and taught a certain way, and they're like, Why are you like this? I'm like, this is a reason. So I always try to tell people about that place. So to have it on the podcast now, you know, got it in the canons, recorded. It's nice, it's real nice. I I guess moving on to this next question, this makes sense, and you kind of already broke this down, like your influences of you know, how how you ended up on that path of wanting to get into the realm of education. But um, we we speak to a lot of educators on our platform, and I always tell people, you know, education is a noble profession. You talked about the conversation, in fact, that hey, for you to be able to take care of yourself and do what you need to do, you needed to be able to have a certain amount of of income. And because the the workload is heavy, and like you're literally you're you're you're in that field because you want to be there. It's for love of the field. Like most people don't go there because they're trying to become rich. So could you explain to yeah, that part? Could you explain to the audience why, like, so you chose that path, but what are the steps that you had to take to get there? And and I know because our our podcast is about millennials trying to figure out how to adult and figuring out how things work in society so that we aren't as ignorant to stuff.

SPEAKER_01 28:23

So could you explain that process? Yeah, and I, you know, it's interesting because I think one of the things that we don't really talk about is a lot of this starts when you're like in elementary school, in middle school, and high school, right? Like you don't just kind of wake up, you know, and I think it's it's also important, you know, now I guess I look at it as in me raising my own child. I think that's the kind of perspective I would look at it now as far as path and steps is like, you know, we have to give kids opportunity to figure these things out and figure out what they want to be, you know. And my parents really did give me space to like, if I, you know, say, like, I want to be this and I want to explore that, they gave me the space to explore that, right? They didn't tell me what whether what I wanted to do or what they wanted me to do. You know, they gave me opportunities to explore so many things, not just you know, education stuff, sports, right? I I played a lot of sports, I was an athlete, and that taught me a lot. So, you know, when I look at steps of kind of how I got there, it was you know, talking about, thinking about things I want to do. I'd like to try this sport. Okay, well, let's do this. I want to play this instrument. Okay, well, let's try it. And and trying things out and testing it out. And if you really, you know, if you kind of look at the path I took, that's what I did, you know. I've I've tested, tried things that are new, maybe look interesting, and then kind of navigate that. So, you know, for me it was I want to be a teacher. Okay, well, now I need to go find the best schools for teachers close to me. Right. So I navigated that. I found a few schools that I really like. Okay, what kind of school is best for me? You know, a smaller, I feel like I was gonna thrive better in a smaller setting. So the college that I went to and ended up choosing was one of the better education schools and programs that are high rate of people that graduated and passed the teacher test, right? Teacher assessment test and which was back then called the praxis, high rate of passing and that, high rate of actually obtaining a job, you know, after graduation. But like all of those things are things that I was thinking about in high school. Like prepare for college. And so I think the challenge now also is like there's just so much exposure to things. Like we didn't have as many distractions, and so now there's like people on videos and people on this and this and this telling people what to do and how to navigate things, but nobody's really saying, like, it's it's really just simple. Like, figure out what you want to do and how to get there. Now, if I could apply this to weight loss, I'm gonna be on to something. But um and apply that there, I'm gonna be on to something. But like that's really what I've done is you know, I've kind of figured out like I want to be this. I'm I'm I really believe in manifesting things, right? And so, like, just really taught, I mean, kind of goes into you know, my business and and the firm kid, but figuring out like, okay, this is what I want to do, kind of like write the path and make it plain, right? I mean, that's just scripture there, but real talk. And and just kind of going with it. So I think it's, you know, the path and what steps I took to become an educator were really as simple as me saying, like, I want to be this or do this and researching what I need to do. Like, I literally have an idea in my head of something else I want to do now. And so I'm gonna spend tomorrow researching it and see like how viable that is. And so I think we just have to apply that to whatever it is. Like, I want to, even athletes. I mean, you know, to become a professional athlete, like you gotta figure out that's what you really want to do, and you gotta put some time and effort and energy in. And again, I think it goes back to like what I was saying earlier, like you can do anything, but you can't do everything. And so navigating what that anything is for you and the steps to get there, but also recognizing along the path that like there's gonna be some pivots necessary and changes necessary, and that's okay. I think so many people are like they get stuck on a path, a very lender your path, and it doesn't go their way, it sets them off so bad that they like shift off the road, you know, and you gotta search right and just can't get back on. And it's like when people were questioning me when I left education, I was like, it does not make sense to me. Like, and it may not make sense to you, but like I already knew at that point, like given my path and given my experience and my relationship with God, like there's something bigger on the other end of this, and I'm just gonna rock with it, right? Yeah, and and it take it's taken me to where I am now, right? The path did not make sense. I made a lot of different steps and mistakes and changes, but ultimately it's kind of like the culmination of where I am now. If you just kind of lay out the timeline, I'm back to all of it. I'm in tech, which I love. I'm in ed tech, like who does that? I'm in education technology, doing what I love, working with people, helping people, training people, working with I mean, and doing those things. So, like, if I would have derailed and got really upset or bothered by like some shifts that happen and not just rock with it, like I don't know what I'd be doing right now. So I think for me as the path and the steps is as simple as like rock with it, right? Just make sure go with it. As long as you know you have a plan and you're trying to get somewhere, like it'll, it'll, it'll be fine. But what you can't do is like get so have such a setback that you're in a corner rocking back and forth because you're so bothered by it. And I think that's the challenge, you know, the mental challenge that a lot of people are handling right now is that they we're surrounded by perfection, right? And so per because you see everybody else doing these things, right? I mean, I love social media.

SPEAKER_07 34:12

Perfection.

SPEAKER_01 34:13

Let's let's be real. It's all fake. It's perfection. Like, I will tell you, I'm a hot mess. Like, let's be real. Like, I'm a really hot mess. Like, I am. I'm really a hot mess, but like I pull it together and do what I need to do. But like there, I got mess with me too, you know?

SPEAKER_03 34:30

And I think the ability to focus, like you said, the to what's the word that's useful, the the ability to curate what people see. Yeah is that, yeah, yeah. That's a weird thing nowadays, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 34:45

And that's what I feel like is the you know, one of the concerns that I have is like, you know, people are you know, um you're seeing everybody's highlight reel, right? Yeah. But you don't see, you see the, you know, you see after the edits, right? And you see after the cleanup, but it's like nobody talks about like that night that you were crying about it, and nobody talks about like that you worked 12 hours, or nobody talked about, you know, you what the everybody's like, oh, you have a podcast. Nobody talked about the fact that you had to make sure that the sound was working, nobody wants to talk about it. We talked about this morning, yeah. That's the manager. Questions and the links and the research and the time and the energy, but it's like, oh, you have a podcast and you, you know, you have a great podcast. Okay, yeah, but like there's behind the scenes to getting that done, or nobody wants to talk about the time where the sound wasn't working, right? You know, it was several times.

SPEAKER_07 35:34

We'll talk about it.

SPEAKER_01 35:37

It was several times. We can talk about it, but nobody really wants to talk about it. You know what I mean? That's right. That's right.

SPEAKER_07 35:42

Unless it's other nerds are trying to figure it out too. But you know, I think there is like a culture that, like, you know, you make dinner by walking up to the stove and pressing X twice, and that's not that's not the way it works.

SPEAKER_01 35:54

Like, when you figure that out, I need you to tell me who because if I can just get and figure that thing out and have dinner ready, I will be on it. I will pay whatever it is. That's real manifesting there. Yes, yeah. I'm gonna go ahead and put that out in the spirit right now because um that will help my life a lot.

SPEAKER_03 36:11

Y'all hurt me right now. Y'all hurt me.

SPEAKER_07 36:14

That would be so. Listen, but those fees, though. And that's always the thing. Get it yourself, it's always the thing. And you know how healthy it is if you do it yourself. But yeah, right.

SPEAKER_01 36:28

I know, I know. Okay, okay. We're not gonna preach today on that. Yeah, no preaching, no preaching. Okay. Struggle in that area. That's one of my areas of like, I'm so busy that I don't do enough cooking.

SPEAKER_03 36:40

So study the model world.

SPEAKER_01 36:42

We all do that.

SPEAKER_03 36:43

Yeah, yeah. I mean, it's it's part of, like you said, doing so much because you know, we have the time, the technology, and the capability, but knowing that you can't do everything, like it's hard to get that to work.

SPEAKER_01 36:54

Oh, yeah. Oh, that well, I mean, when we talk, I mean, self-care, and I will I'm sure we'll get to talking about that more, but like, I mean, I've had to learn to do some delegating because I can't do it all.

SPEAKER_06 37:04

I have to just uh delegate.

SPEAKER_01 37:06

I've had to delegate, and what I have reminded myself is that I am my goal is not to be a Shiro, like like I cannot do it all. And I had it took me a while to get there, but yeah, I mean, we just we we just we have to delegate and be mindful of how we're managing our time better. And I'm I'm working on that as well. It's like, does it make sense to get somebody else to do this, or does it make sense for me to do this? Um, and I have to ask myself that about some things. And and and and I feel better sometimes when I do delegate because like, oh, they did it in two hours. It would have taken me the next week to do that.

SPEAKER_03 37:37

So see, that's that's part of having that business mindset, and I know segue into the next question. Like, how did you how do you start a business during the pandemic? Could you explain this to our to our audience and and and let them know what Affirm Kids is and and what it does for for folks? But this is very interesting because I mean, like you said, you had a hard pandemic anyway, and you started a business. How how did you do that?

SPEAKER_01 38:03

Right. So, like, I would not recommend that I give it zero stars, okay, everybody. This will speak for us. But a lot of people started businesses during the pandemic. I know, I know. It's so funny because and I'm just kidding, but uh uh honestly it was probably one of the best things I did. But I think what one of the things, so again, like 2021 was I had started I literally started a new job in May, right? The vision for the business came to me in March, so it's actually been a year. The vision for the business came to me in March. Thank you. So the vision came in March. I didn't start the business until about June, July, which is still a short period of time. But I I and and I know this is gonna sound to some people, you know, depending on your beliefs and religious beliefs, but I literally had a vision one day where God showed me like this, these cards, and and I do affirmations with Emory already. So that's one of the reasons why this is really important to me. Since she was a baby, I've been doing affirmations with her, and even when she started talking, she does them. And we do them in the mirror and we do songs with them, and and we start our day with it. So in the morning she does it and to the point where she like affirms me, which is really funny. But so we do we've been doing this since she was a baby. Like, I mean, uh every day I was telling her how beautiful she is because one of the things I wanted to make sure is that she didn't have to worry about, like, again, love my parents, safe space, but like I don't there are places and gaps in all of our lives where we were not affirmed, right? And so I wanted to make sure that I went on and kind of got ahead of that so that when she was my age, that she wasn't wanting or or needing someone to tell her that she's beautiful, that she already knows that. And so that was one of the things I didn't want, I didn't want her to have to worry about the world telling her what she was and she wasn't, because I was gonna do that. I'm gonna tell her so she already knows, and then they can reinforce it. But I want her to be able to know that and have that confidence. And so, like I said, we've been doing affirmations forever. I was trying to do something for Valentine's Day, I remember, and wanted to like put affirmations on her door and then didn't do it, and was trying to make some flashcards, and then like really one day a vision came of like somebody had asked me about doing affirmations with Emmy and if I would write some of them down. And I was like, Yeah, and I was like, well, maybe I'll make some flashcards of them. And then I literally got this vision of like, well, people so people are always asking me what I do with Emmy. So there's some background here. So because again, she's done every like at one, she knew her letters, right? Like she was a baby talking and doing things that were very advanced. So she has like a little fan base that follows her and knows, you know. And so she's just kind of always been advanced and done things. So people will reach out and say, like, hey, what at this age, what did when did you start doing that? That's always everybody's thing. When did you start doing like how did you get her to do that? What age did you start? And so, you know, probably should just write a book or something or some curriculum for people, but when do I have time to do that? And so you know, I always tell them what I did, when I started, how I did it, give suggestions, hear some stuff. And then also I learned from other people. I'll ask them, like, well, your child's doing this, when did they start? I mean, I don't make I don't none of this stuff that we do is original. Somebody's else already done it. So I either find somebody that's done it, that's doing it, or figure it out myself. And so from that, like somebody had asked about maybe writing down some of the affirmations that I use, and I had a vision of like these cards, and I had a vision of what they look like, and that I was selling them and that that I was going to, you know, distribute these cards. It it made no sense when the vision came to me, but I was like, it was so clear and I saw the like vision and path that I had to move because I couldn't shake it. So I kept having the thought of like I need to do the same. And it's like, I don't have time. I'm trying to start, well, I'm trying to find a new job right now. I'm applying a job, which everybody knows trying to find a job is another job. And so I was like, I don't have time. But I spoke it to a friend, and he was just like, Ebony, you're on to something. And I was like, Are you sure? And he's like, Yeah, whatever, what whatever you just said to me, like that, that is, that is something. Like it's gonna be something. And after that, I just started moving because I think it's something about speaking things out, like taking a dream or vision and sharing it with a safe pair in a safe space, safe person, right? Somebody you're comfortable with, yeah, and sharing it. Because it's like as I spoke it to him, it like I really saw it. And then in that I I just started move literally, yeah. I started moving. Like I just started moving. I got a new laptop and started designing cards. I had no plan for what the cards are gonna be, how they're gonna print them, who's gonna make them. But the vision of the cards came so clear that I spent like one night, four hours just like making them. And next thing I knew, I had designed 50 cards. I got an artist to help with some of the art. And then it was like, oh, okay, so what do I do with all this? And then I just started researching print press places, card box places. How am I gonna do this? How am I gonna sell them? Where are they gonna be? What I mean, all of that. I knew nothing like about how to set up a business. But what I knew is that I could fight figure it out. And I had enough friends that were business owners, not doing the same thing, but that could connect me. But I also know how God will strategically put people in your life as you're as they're as you need them. And that is what this story for me is about, is that I had no plan, but I I literally started meeting people that were connecting to and knew these things. And even like one of the you know, big kind of for me stories was I went to this mother's event, mom's event, little, you know, like mix and mingle thing. And I had just started kind of business, and you know, they're like, Do you have a business or starting business? I shared. The lady who owned the building heard me talking afterwards pulled me to the side and was like, hey, I heard what you're doing. When are your cards gonna be ready? I want to put them in my store. And I was like, What? Wow. You know, and then she pulled me aside and was like, Hey, I offer coaching to women who want to sell wholesale. I offer this, I offer these things, these services. As a new owner, as a minority owner, I'd like to just offer those to you for free. Wow. I got this like full support of somebody who is literally, you know, has access to stuff, even to the point where I was trying to get into another wholesale market. I applied myself, did not get in. I reached out to her and was like, hey, do you know anything about this space? She had just done a podcast for this company. I was like, just reapply. I was approved the next day. Wow. So I sell whole, like, so again, it's like I know that's all over the place, but these are just the the things that happened. But right, if I didn't move when I this is why I told people like, move, right? Because if I didn't move in March and I went to something in May, I wasn't, I wouldn't have been ready, right?

SPEAKER_06 45:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 45:06

So if I went to something in July or August, I wouldn't have been ready for that opportunity because I didn't move when I was supposed to in March. And so again, I'm still making stuff up as I go. Don't tell anybody. Well, everybody knows now. I'm still making it up as I go, but I think the important thing for me about the firm kid is that I moved, right? The vision came and that I moved because I think we get so caught up sometimes in everything having to be perfect and laid out. Because people were asking me questions along the way and they're like, Well, did you figure this out? And you figured that out. I was like, No, mm mm, but I will. I'll figure it out at some point. It was just like, I just need to get the cards, I need to get them printed, and I need to get boxes. I'll figure the rest out. Like, where are you doing this, or how are you gonna do your accounting, and how are you gonna? I don't know. Next, I need to figure out a website. I found a friend, somebody to do a website. Well, how are you gonna sell this? And I don't know, but I'm gonna figure it out. Like, I I just kind of was like, the the me figuring, everything is figure outable, right? But me sit me sitting here and like not moving forward to drag all this out is pointless, you know? And I have great friends who are very smart. You know, one of my really good friends is I mean, she has an amazing story of how she started her bakery, and it's and she has the same story. It's like I just figured it out. Like I didn't have a business plan and laid out like I don't even now. Now now I have to because of some opportunities with investors and things that I'm gonna have to, you know, tighten it up. But like I didn't sit and I made a like a big plan, but I didn't sit and have this like 10-page business plan that people feel like you need to have to start a business. I didn't, you know, do you have to have a vision and a plan? Yes. Do you have to have everything figured out?

unknown 46:43

No.

SPEAKER_03 46:44

That's a good point. That's a good because sometimes people won't do because they don't have it all the way figured out.

SPEAKER_04 46:50

Yeah, and it's still the biggest thing.

SPEAKER_07 46:52

That's the one that stops everybody. Yeah. Doesn't matter. People that did it didn't know how to do it.

SPEAKER_01 46:58

Listen, I don't understand why people don't just understand that Google exists for a reason.

SPEAKER_07 47:05

Like nobody else has ever had that much information. We got more information like anybody has ever had before. I tell people, Google that shit.

SPEAKER_01 47:13

Like, go Google it. Like, like, go figure that out. That is so very true.

SPEAKER_02 47:20

That is so true. At least I mean, we have a resource there. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 47:23

I mean, literally, yesterday somebody was asking me something. I'm like, and I get not that I get annoyed by people, but it's like, we have a whole thing called Google for that purpose. Like, why are you texting me past do something? And my response was like, you should YouTube or Google that. And then like two hours later, she's like, I figured it out. And it's like, yeah. She wanted me to like come to her house and show her how to do something. And I'm like, you should YouTube or Google that. I don't mind helping people. We have no excuse.

SPEAKER_03 47:50

We have no excuse.

SPEAKER_01 47:51

I don't mind helping people, let's be clear. But it's like certain things, honestly, like it was a device that I don't have. And I it's kind of like somebody asking you to help you with something that you don't have. And it's like, it's probably best to ask somebody that either has it or an expert in it. And, you know, I I guess I led her down the path and helped her to get there. But oh yeah, you did. You taught her how to fish. But but yeah, I mean, so again, I know I kind of got off, but the affirm kid came out of a vision and it was bigger, it was a about, you know, not just having a business, but also wanting, you know, my goal and vision was to be able to affirm every child because what we know, but also not just every child, right? I wanted to really focus on my my brown babies, right? That because there's so much going on, and parents are so busy, and a lot of parents are there's two parents working or just one parent working. There's, you know, we have to make sure that we're taking time to tell them who they are so that they can be like the next, they're gonna be the next generation, right? And so my goal with in affirmed kid is to be able to affirm every child and to help parents do that. Because what I know is that if you're busy, you need tools, right? It's just like as a big busy parent, like if you could give some child some flashcards and have them sit there and look at them, that's a resource and that's a tool to help them while they're doing something else. You know, I do the same thing with Emmy. I'll give her some cards or some flashcards or paper or whatever to write to keep her, you know, contained for a little bit. But a lot of people just don't know how to do it. I mean, I remember talking about affirmation, people like, I don't know how to do that. Like, what does that look like? How do I, what do I say? And, you know, I created these in the cards, I created like a format, you know, like template of like basically you say, like, you are beautiful. And, you know, the child can say, I am beautiful, you are smart, I am smart, you know, you are intelligent, I'm intelligent, whatever it is. And like, and then the biggest thing for me is that I also have I love you cards. So I know I'm getting ahead of myself, but there's a set of the cards are it's 55 cards. They say, you are whatever I am. And then I have a set of I love you cards because I feel like one thing that we're lacking is telling children we love them every day. And I I want to make sure that there was something and a part of this for to help parents because some people are uncomfortable for it because with it, because why? They didn't, nobody told them they love them, right? So if no, if your parents didn't say I love you every day, you think that's what that looks like, right? So you think I'll just show love by what I do, and I may not have to say it, but now we need to tell these kids I love you every day. Like they need that. We're in a different season, we're in a different space, we're a different world. Like kids need to hear that. And so they hear so many other things, and it's important for them to hear, you know, that somebody loves them and remind them of who they are. So that I mean, that's the big story of kind of where it came from. Also, you know, just other little things of more of the behind the background and and reasoning was just more too for me. Like, and I'm a big fan of therapy and mental health and wellness. So we are on the show. That's something we can talk about regular. Yes, so that's great. And, you know, I had a conversation with, you know, my therapist one time, and you know, we were just talking about childhood and and breaking down because sometimes a lot of the issues that we have are things that we just are uncomfortable going back and uncovering from childhood. And so we went through this, you know, space where we were just talking about like who did this for you? Like, who was the person who told like told you you were beautiful, or did somebody tell you you're beautiful, or how are you complimented? And how is this? It was such an intense activity. I was a hot mess when I finished it, but like just emotional because it was draining because you basically are going back to your childhood and uncovering things, and it's a that that took a lot of energy to pull that back. But I look, you know, looking at it now is like I uncovered things that I just never paid attention to, as simple as like, did anyone tell you that you were beautiful? Did anyone ever tell you that you were smart? And then you're like, Did somebody? Or like, how did were you complimented? Did and it was like I realized that I was complimented on my like intellect, like how smart I was, or comments about my physical were usually more questioning, like, gosh, you're tall, because I'm tall, I'm 5'11. So um, or like, wow, you have big feet, like not negative, but it was like oh gosh, you were like you were like La Cienega off of the proud family. Right, yeah, exactly. So, or Louisa now, like on in contour. That's my new thing. Oh, yeah, matter of fact. But, you know, you're just and so it wasn't like that somebody ever said, like, you're not pretty or you're not, but it was the people highlighted the anomalies, I guess, if that makes sense, you know? And so it really just uncovered a lot of that stuff and it was like, okay, well, if parents can like combat some of this early by being able to tell kids, like, you are these things, that will help, right? And so again, it's this really just wanting to affirm children, and heck, adults need to be affirmed too. Like, I mean, words of affirmation is a word of love language, right? So people strive and you know, want that. Like everybody's needs are different, and there's some adults that need everybody needs words of affirmation, period. Like, but some people need it more than others. And you know, I just know that in the world we live in that kids needed that. And so I'm trying to provide a, you know, another way to fill a gap. And so now it's just turned into like a business, and I sold probably close to 600 sets of cards since starting in like July. June, July. Um I've expanded to also doing wall art. So wall art, people can buy like people can buy the downloadable like print and print it themselves, or they can I have in stores locally the print like canvas and framed art as well. But um yeah, so expanded really like right now. So I do all my own marketing and all my own stuff also on top of my regular job, but I just kind of needed I went really hot and heavy from like June or July when I started through the end of last year, and just getting ramped up in a new position at the same time, I just realized that I needed a little bit of some self-care and balance back in my life. Um, so I recognized that and I slowed down on my marketing because you know, but the goal of marketing is to push sales and get out there. So I slowed down my marketing, which is funny because people people have still been buying, but I slowed down my marketing. I really just stopped marketing it, focused on wholesale, because I got into a wholesale market. And so that helps a lot because in that space, people will order six or eight or five or ten, and they put them in their stores. So right now, like if somebody looks like I'm pretty, I'm not really marketing my websites up, people buy. I literally had somebody yesterday, I discovered my website was down because somebody was trying to buy and they reach out, I'm like, hey, your website's down. I'm like, I fix, you know, fixed it. I'm big on customer service. Like to me, like for that, it was like, hey, here's a code, take you know, some money off. And the other girl that, you know, sent you that way, send me her email, let me send her something because they didn't have to do that.

SPEAKER_02 55:10

Um good, good customer service.

SPEAKER_01 55:12

But but yeah, so that's kind of where you know it is now. We've just been busy and like had really cool opportunities to meet people, talk to people, share. Actually, I can't share exactly where what the school is, but I just had a school order 150 cards, one for each family for the that I'm providing to them next month. So working on that and excited again that a principal, you know, recognizes the importance of this and wants to do that for her her students and provide that to the families. So again, really it's funny because I tell people like I'm right now I'm laying low because I'm kind of not trying to do much with it because I am so busy. But even in that, I've had two or three people reach out in the last I was highlighted for Black History Month or for some things, and people reached out and have somebody that, you know, maybe a potential investor and another partnership that to do work with somebody that does clothing and to maybe do some of the, you know, affirmations on kids' clothing, even talking to somebody about being in some wider spectr, you know, spaces. I had somebody who used to sell greeting cards reach out, reach out to connect to work in some of those spaces and selling in in you know larger quantities and department stores and things like that. So it's one of those things where I am realizing that, like I said, back to the vision, like when guy gave it to me, he was gonna make sure that it it did what it needed to do. Right. And I'm not, I'm I'm just I'm just doing, right? I'm not even working hard at it. The things are coming and the things are happening, and it's because it was meant to be. And so I just kind of lean on that and and and try to balance the rest of it.

SPEAKER_03 56:53

Well, shoot, man. I think you're doing a good job at it. You seem like you're about that life, and you don't, like you said, it's something that that that you love and you're putting it together with your other work, and that brings us, I mean, you've been talking about it the whole time. And I think this is one of the things that's hardest for us, our our our millennial group, and and for us to understand as we've been adulting and learning how to be grown-ups, I was always like to tease, but work life balance, man. Like, how do you keep yourself geared up, recharged, refueled to be able to go out and be effective, especially as a single mother, without I'm saying everybody's gonna experience it, but like while trying to avoid burnout, like what are some steps or some some tips you could give to our audience about that?

SPEAKER_01 57:40

So I'm gonna start this with again reminding everybody that I'm really hot messed. So, but you know, I think the balance is a word I've been using a lot because a lot of it is it's not even just work life, it's just balance, right? I do struggle with balance. You know, my friends will tell me you need to sit down sometimes, and I'm like, yeah, you're right. But what I've tried to do is, you know, make sure one of the things is like just figuring out what things you really enjoy doing. Like people like, oh, I love this, I love that. But it's like, what do you really enjoy? Like, do you really enjoy just being home? I am not a homebody. Like, I like to be out in these streets. So let me just be real. I mean, I like to be out. And so, you know, I enjoy like going to dinner and going to the bar and doing those things. I love people, like I'm a true social butterfly extrovert. Like, my friends get annoyed because I they were like, you know that person? Like, no, we just start talking, we're gonna go out next week, you know. What? I don't even understand how you got there. It's like, oh, it's just whatever. But just my it's just my personality. But I think with that is finding those things that really that I really do enjoy. And so like hanging out with friends and traveling um are some of those things that I lost over a period of time because I got so busy in trying to do the like stuff, right?

SPEAKER_05 59:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 59:02

Like the career path and being on boards and doing all that that I lost, I lost myself. Like I lost myself in my you know, previous relationship or marriage, like I like lost myself in my career a little bit. And so, you know, again, with that, just restoring myself and getting back to life is short, like people are going away from here. And so I have to figure out like how can I still maximize my time, get things accomplished. You know, I choose often sleep over cleaning, you know, like little things like that. Like I have clothes that need to be washed, but I would prefer this morning to sleep in until I need to get up to do this. And I made that choice.

SPEAKER_06 59:43

Yeah, um take care of yourself.

SPEAKER_01 59:44

And so I think it's just making choices. You know, one thing that I do find that I'm that I'm working on like rebuilding back into you know, my schedule is just like working out, walking. Like I don't do well in the winter, I learned recently, it's just winter cold, I just don't like cold. And so I'm like when there's a the I do better just being active in the spring and being outside and walking or running or doing those things. But you know, one thing is just being active, but also just like spending time with yourself. And I've been trying to be really intentional about that because a lot of this is really just discipline, motivation, focus, balance, intentional and accountable. Like all of those things are words that all of that touches, right? Because it's accountable to who are you accountable to, right? Yourself and whoever else you gotta be accountable to for whatever. But I'm really bad about accountability sometimes to myself. It's like I said I'm gonna do it, I gotta do the thing, or you know, you know, making sure I have I'm committing to doing those things. So again, I know it sounds all over the place, but these are current challenges that I'm having, but I am committed to navigating it. You know, I built a gym in my house so that like I don't have the excuse that I have to go to a gym because I can't get up early enough to go. But then I actually got to use the gym that I have in the house too. So, you know what I mean? It's like you still have to do the thing. And so I think the biggest thing for me is making sure that I create space to check out, like on Sundays. So I call Sundays self-care Sundays because my daughter is with her dad on Sunday, every Sunday. And so I I will I will brunch my life away on a Sunday. Um so um, right, and so that like that is kind of like the funny thing where it was like, oh, it's self-care Sunday. So on Sundays, like people know I'm free. Like if you want to go to brunch, let me know. Like, I'll meet you there. If not, I'm gonna be there myself. But like I try to create that day to kind of go to church, do I'm sorry, I'm leaving church and going to brunch, but whatever. So cancel it. But um, you know, well, not just brunch to eat though, friends. So let's be clear. But so I leave church and go to brunch, and then you know, just try to make sure I kind of get myself together for the day or head in in a space for the day. And I have one of my friends lately where, you know, on if I don't have my daughter on a Friday or on a Sunday, like we've just made it a thing where we do go. And sometimes just us two, or sometimes there's other people, but we've created that space that we know we need that. She's also a business owner, we need that to like pull back from everything, you know, and just recharge. So I think it's again time management. I'm fine, I have to get up a lot earlier than I would love like to get up to get everything accomplished in the day. I'm fine I have to go to bed earlier than I usually do to be able to have the energy to get up the next day. So again, that's time management, right? Managing my day, my time. I'm much better about like trying to keep lists and keep up with stuff because there's just so much that needs to be done and prioritizing my list of like what has to be done this weekend. Like I have a list of things that I really gotta get accomplished this weekend and making sure that I block time out to do them the next couple of months or like super busy. So, like just sitting down and saying, like, what are the things that I have to get done? You know, making sure I I use my calendar. Like if it's not on my calendar, it probably won't happen. Like, I'm just my brain is just not able to like some people can keep stuff in their head. I've learned that I cannot.

SPEAKER_07 1:03:17

So that has keeping different stuff in your head.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:20

Yeah, because yeah, right. I can't keep it. Don't be hard on yourself.

SPEAKER_07 1:03:23

There's other things going on.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:25

Right. But but time and times and events far out, I can't keep in my head. Like I'll know that I have something, but like if I didn't put it on my calendar, it's like, wait, I know there's a thing on this date because I have this date in my head, but I can't remember what it what it is. So yeah, I mean, I guess all of that goes goes along with just you know keeping up with Emmy's schedule, keeping her together, you know, just knowing what I need to do and accomplish. Um, and sometimes just saying, like, I need to sit down. Like right now, I I just got back off, I went to Bahamas last weekend. Like coming back from a trip is always another kind of exhausting thing. And like to right, it's like I should have like, why don't we just have like a vacation from the vacation? I feel like that should be a part of the package when you take off for work. It's like you are guaranteed two extra days to just recover. Um, and so you know, I think, like I said, all of that is I think for parents, you know, especially, it's really like doing the best that you can. And like that's literally what I try to tell myself every day. I'm gonna do the best I can today, and then I'm gonna try again tomorrow because it is so easy, and I do it to myself. I can be really hard on myself. Um, and I've had to like re try to remove that because again, I've accomplished a lot, but there's still more to do. But if I get caught up in like all the things I didn't do, didn't do today or didn't do right or that needs to be done, it can be draining, right? And so I try to just give myself my my word of the year, like even what people, not my literal word, but I've been telling people is just give yourself some grace. Like we all need some grace in this season because we're dealing with stuff that we've never dealt with. And now that we've never dealt with, no one's dealt with. Nobody knows what it's like in our current world to be living in a pandemic. So we're expecting X we have expectations of how people are supposed to respond and act and do and live in a space that nobody has navigated. And that's not fair. So, you know, that's why I tell people give yourself some grace because we all figuring this thing out together. Like we're two years in, and nobody seems to have any different answers to me.

SPEAKER_06 1:05:38

You ain't mine.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:40

So, you know, but I think that's the biggest thing for me, like with parents, is like give yourself some grace. Being a parent, a single parent is hard. Like when people ask me literally every day, all the time, if I want another kid, and I just say blank no. And they look at me, no, yeah, and they're like, and I usually say hell no, but I'm gonna say no today. And they just look at me and they're like, I can't believe you don't want any kids, do more kids. You love kids. I absolutely love children, and I love my own child, but do I want another child? You're asking me a question. I don't, yeah, and it because it is being a parent is a is a lot, it's uh it's hard work, and I feel like you know, doing it by yourself is a double work. And obviously, like if I had another child, it would probably be in a relationship. But, you know, if you don't have the right partner to do some of these things with, I don't want to do it. And so I think that's one of the things where I'm I'm much more confident in just saying no to certain things. I'm getting better about it. But you know, one of my favorite authors, she says, like, if it's not a hell yes, it's a no. And that's something I've been trying to really work on in general. It's like even as a parent, like if doing something extra, or somebody asks you to do something, I think that's a part of balancing it all, is that you gotta say no sometimes.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:55

And it's one of the hardest things to do, yeah. Very good. It's so hard. They are, especially if you're skilled at something or you have talent.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:02

Yeah, and it's funny, a few weeks ago I went to like this self-care thing, and the lady was saying, you know, sometimes you're you're saying it's okay to say yes to certain things and we want to say yes, and it's okay, especially if it's in your wheelhouse. And I was like, that's I think the thing is like some stuff we're okay saying yes to because we know that's easy, right? Like if somebody asks you guys to do something related to a podcast, that's easy, right? Yeah. Because that's your that's your wheelhouse. Like that's that's where you're comfortable, that's your space. But if somebody asks you to do something else that you really didn't want to, that doesn't take that. This might be an easier no, because it is it's not your thing. You know what I mean? So I think that's something I'm learning too is like some things are an easy yes, and I know I can do it quickly, but Some stuff to note because it's just not something I want to do.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:49

That is a good rule of thumb to have. Especially got to be able to turn it off. But I know we're about to get ready to wrap up. Yeah. And before we do so, I do want you to tell our audience any projects like current projects that you're working on that they might be interested in, and where they can find you online and on social media.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:11

Yeah, so projects, I think the project I'm working on is just getting myself back to me. Right. And that's really my really right now. So I have some kind of things or goals, even especially more like which I haven't really spoke out loud about and related to like our local, my local government, some things I want to do or participate in. And so, but I have committed to personally getting my life in a very balanced place and getting a hold of because quickly, what I do sometimes is instead of like fixing some of the things I need to, I'll add something else, right? And so my current project is that I need to like fit get accomplish some of the little goals that are the harder ones that I need to do before starting another project. So that's one of my things, is right now is that the project of focusing on my health and wellness right now is my project. Um, and then I have a goal. And when I get to that goal, then I said I will open up like a can of worms to go down a different path of some things the local government I'm interested in. So that's kind of where my head is right now. Really just focusing on the business, figuring out how I can expand, make connections with people, and and just working on the affirmed kid and being a mom and also just working on myself as far as a you know executive in a tech company, which is also not easy. And so to find me though, my website for theaffirmed kid is just theaffirmedkid.com. There's no www. So it's just the H T P H T T P, you know, backslash F the Affirm Kid, or you can just Google the affirm kid, it'll pop up. On Instagram, the Affirm Kid. Also, if you want to find me personally on Instagram, I'm an open book. The it's my handle on Instagram is H-E-Y E B B Y H A Y, which is Hey Ebby Hey.

SPEAKER_06 1:10:11

Hey.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:12

Yeah, I know. And so that's Instagram. Uh honestly, even on Facebook, just find Ebony Haywood. Again, basically what's on Instagram is on Facebook. I don't, I don't, I'm an open book. Most stuff is uh public. It's really just pictures of Emmy at this point in life. Pictures and Emmy videos of her right now. As it should be. Um anyway, so you know, you can find me there or on LinkedIn. I'm under Ebony Haywood. You can connect there. So multiple ways to connect or reach out to if you, you know, want to inbox me, have questions or anything. Would love to connect with people, talk, share. Hey, I need an accountability partner. Would love one of those two. Uh so far I need to go. But uh, I love, like I said, I love talking to people and hearing what people are dealing with and experiences, and and you know, that's kind of how I built my village and circle.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:58

So well, man, it was an excellent conversation today. It was a good way to start the morning. I know I'm gonna let Tamaya close us out, but I want to thank you. Thank thank you, cousin, for joining us today.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:13

It's an honor. It's an honor. I'm excited about what you guys are doing. I love it. It's a blessing to be asked to do this, but I'm just thankful that people are giving other people spaces to talk that you know we're not on the Oprah show and all these big time things that will have a safe space. I'm gonna be on there one day though, yeah. But but that people have an open space to just share, right? Like so many different lifestyles and stories. And I just feel like it's you know, podcasts are amazing. I love podcasts because they give people opportunity to speak in a platform that may be unheard or they, you know, would not be heard. So thank you guys for what you're doing.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:49

Yeah, this was awesome. You did a great job. So we want to say thank you to everyone for listening to us today and make sure you to subscribe to us on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and Google Podcasts. We're also on Instagram and Facebook at the Hilltop Club. Thank you.